Blazblue Inc
by Xane Kudo
Summary: Here at Blazblue Inc, we do not do anything productive. We just bring you the moments that may make you laugh or cringe that happen in the office walls, such as Nine's nonstop sex drive with a poor Jubei, Noel's stalking of a clueless Bullet, Taokaka actually doing something smart, and the casual adventures of the Grim Reaper and our favorite squirrel girl. Rated M for sex things.
1. Jubei's back!

"Here you go, Jubei. My proposal for next week's meeting." Ragna announced as he handed his paper to Jubei.

It was just another day at Blazblue Inc. For some odd yet never explained reason, everyone that was part of the playable Blazblue game got a job here.

Yes...everyone. And I do mean _everyone_.

Even you, Minerva. Yes, you. I see you over there, talking to Nago about how cute Carl is.

"..."

Hey, don't you dare blush! And don't act shy, either. I know you've been trying to talk to Carl for the past few weeks, since you like the boy. I only warn you about his sister, ok?

She's got her eyes on you...

Anyway, the company's goal is to...well, there is no goal.

It's just here for shenanigans and whatnot to make you laugh. Or cringe. Or maybe both. Like the one you're about to read now.

"Thanks, Ragna. Let me just have a look here and we'll be set." Jubei responded, looking over the paper.

After a few moments, he smiled. "Welp, everything seems to be in order. I'll run this by the others in the meeting. Thanks again, Ragna."

The white haired man nodded. "NIce! And look just five minutes until lunch time, too!"

At those words, Jubei's eyes widened and he went ungodly pale. "L...lunch?"

This did not go unnoticed by Ragna. "Yeah. What, you don't like lunch or something?"

Then an alarm went off from Jubei's phone. The cat took one look at it before snatching it up, gathering his belongings and rushing out of there as fast as his legs could carry him.

"If anyone asks, you never saw my face!" He yelled as he disappeared.

Confused by the display, Ragna reluctantly went back to his cubicle to wait for lunch. He could ponder about Jubei's behavior later.

But he couldn't help but wonder about Jubei's alarm from his phone, which read in big red letters "RUN AND HIDE, BITCH! SHE'S COMING FOR YOU!"

 _5 minutes later…_

The bell rang in the office, meaning that it was time to go to lunch.

"Whoo! Finally, I'm starving my ass off!" Ragna yelled as he stretched his limbs and reached for his wallet. But before he could make his way out of his cubicle, the wall on the other side of the room exploded.

"What the hell?!"

Debris went flying everywhere, the other employees cowered in fear...and in the middle of all of that carnage was a very, _very_ livid Konoe A Mercury, aka Nine the Phantom.

Who was on fire.

While holding a lunch box labeled "For my Jubei-kyun!" with a heart symbol on it.

" _ **WHERE IS HE?!"**_ Nine asked in a voice that could only be described as pure terror.

Everyone responded in screams as she walked forward, each step burning a hole in the floor.

" _ **WHERE IS JUBEI?! BRING HIM TO ME NOW!"**_

Ragna was so scared at that moment that he nearly pissed his pants. Which would suck since he didn't have any more clean pairs left.

Not wanting to incur the woman's wrath, he quietly but quickly made his way to the bathroom, dodging flying chairs, keyboards and Bang Shishigamis along the way.

Once in the bathroom, he let out a big sigh. "Whew! I'm safe. The hell's her problem?!"

"She wants me…" a voice sounded off...from one of the stalls.

Ragna faced one of them and heard a flush. Then the door opened, revealing one Jubei, hold the wise wisdom.

"Well...that I know. She said as much when she busted up the wall. In fact, you can still hear her right now."

* * *

Meanwhile in the office, a poor soul named Iron Tager was being tossed around by one angry witch by one hand, while said witch was crying her eyes out in anger and sadness and rolling around on the floor in a comical fashion.

" _ **GIBE ME MY JYUBEI NYAOW!"**_

* * *

"And now she's been reduced to some kind of dumb anime chick…"

Jubei sighed. "Damn it…"

Ragna looked at the small cat. "You...should probably go out there and calm her down. Or else people could...you know...die?"

Jubei shook his head. "Nah. The author'll bring them back in the next chapter, give or take a few details. That, and...there's a reason I'm avoiding her."

Ragna sat down on the sink. "Oh really? Why's that?"

"Ever since I came to the playable cast, she's been on me, non-stop." Jubei explained. "She wants sex all of the time, sometimes even neglecting meals just to sleep with me!"

Ragna raised an eyebrow. "And that's bad because...? I mean, skipping meals is bad, but she's a hot woman. You should be lucky."

"...it's gotten to the point that she didn't care about Celica when the girl announced that she met a guy that she liked."

"...Ok, that's bad." Ragna concluded.

"Not to mention as soon as the clock strikes noon, before I know it, she's gotten me into the storage closet and...you know." Jubei shuddered.

"Well now I know where you go during lunch…" Ragna muttered.

But then the wall to the bathroom exploded, scaring both men, revealing a livid Nine, who scanned the room for her beloved Jubei…

...who she found...and immediately sported a sultry look on her face…

...and in what Ragna could only call Blinding Speed and before anyone could even respond, she made her way to Jubei, scooped him up, ran to the storage closet and shut the door, all in less than a second.

She then reached out and placed a "Disturb and Die" sign on the doorknob before closing it again.

All that was heard for the remainder of the lunch break was Jubei's howls of anguish.


	2. Kagura Tries and fails - Part 1

It was just another day at Blazblue Inc, like every other day.

So...the norm, really. Like...work was done.

That was thanks to people like Es, here.

Es was busy typing away to complete her job. She didn't interact much with anyone, but she still greeted people with respect. Her only friend was, oddly enough, Lambda.

They have an apartment together, and got along really well.

Oh, and they're in some sort of relationship or something, I don't know.

You'd have to ask Lambda about that one.

By the way, she's outside with her pet slug, George. They were having fun and some junk!

...and George just got punted into space by Platinum. Er…

Whoops?

Anyway, Es was working when she heard a voice that she did not like.

"You know...you're kind of cute when you're hard working, Essy." Kagura Mutsuki quipped with his lady killer smile.

Too bad Es didn't pay any mind to it. She glanced at Kagura, blinked, then went back to work.

Now, this didn't sit well with our resident pervert. After all, he got Makoto to sle-

"NOTHING HAPPENED, YOU ASS!" Makoto yelled.

...ahem. Anyway, he got women all the time. I mean, who could not be impressed with his godly physique and devilish good looks?!

"Quite a few people, actually." Noel said. "Tao is one of them."

...once again, he was not sitting well with this. So he tried harder.

"Now that I respect. A hard working woman who doesn't take no nonsense from anyone. How about I reward you with a date? My treat." He asked, making sure to add some sparkles to his flirting.

This unfortunately blinded Arakune.

"GAHH MY EYES!"

Es, however, looked at Kagura again, blinked...blinked again...blinked once more...then went back to work. "I am busy. Please go away."

Now Kagura grinned. He liked a challenge, and he was going to get Es into his bed, one way or another.

And so...he grabbed her boob.

* * *

Outside, Lambda was holding a funeral for the now departed George, who only had 5 minutes of life on Earth. She was dressed in all black and had a little grave for poor George. She was also crying her eyes out and running her make-up.

Only Gii attended the funeral.

Then a crash was heard coming from the building. Lambda looked up and saw Kagura flying through the air, spinning into another building and causing an explosion. She then looked at the place from where he came from and saw Es glaring at the man while Makoto grabbed her hand, gave her a high five, and starting doing the Cha Cha Slide.

So yeah...all in all, it was a normal day at Blazblue Inc.


	3. Bullet's Burger Battle

It was a beautiful day at Blazblue Inc.

The sun was shining at 100 degree weather, the birds were singing awful tunes, and Bullet was sneaking into her cubicle after going to a fast food restaurant and spending well over $30 for a burger, fries and a drink.

But...this wasn't just any old burger. Oh no, siree.

This...was the _**ULTIMATE BURGER DELUXE!**_

And she got it.

Bullet looked to the left. Then to the right. Then she hastily unwrapped the giant ass burger, letting the beefy aroma smack her in the face like a bitch.

No, seriously.

She flew back a few feet and cupped her cheek in pain because the aroma grew a hand and bitch slapped her. The burger was that damn good. Especially for something that was priced over $30. It better be good!

Anyway, she got back up, told the aroma off before breaking the aroma's hand, sat her nice juicy ass in her seat and lifted the huge burger.

"Finally! I get to taste one of these delicious burgers that everyone's been talking about!" She exclaimed. "It better be worth it…"

She opened her mouth and took a single bite of it.

* * *

Meanwhile, outside of the building, Minerva was getting advice from Hazama on how to ask Carl out on a date.

"Oh, that's simple, my dear. All you need to do is show him your goods, and he'll be putty in your hands!" Hazama explained.

"..."

"Well of course it'll work! That's how Nine got Jubei, isn't it?"

"..."

Hazama frowned. "The hell you mean by 'She didn't'? Of course she did!"

Then a loud moan of ecstasy was heard, causing Hazama and Minerva to look towards the building.

"The hell was that?!"

"..."

* * *

Everyone inside came running to the source to see a nude Bullet on the floor holding a burger. Her facial expression was nothing but pure bliss. Her desk was in disarray, her chair was broken in several pieces and her equipment was shattered beyond recognition.

In the midst of it all, Noel took several pictures of the naked woman, stole her clothes, ate her panties and escaped, all while laughing like a madwoman and screaming "Victory!"


	4. The Breakdancing Duo is Born

It was another day at Blazblue Inc.

Nothing special was going on...yet.

Azrael was clocking in to do his job, and that job was what everyone else was doing.

He bid the front desk lady, Tsubaki, a good morning, punched in, and sat at his cubicle.

"Time to get to work!" He said.

That was until loud dubstep music blasted his earsdrums. He growled loudly as he turned to the source.

It was Nu, breakdancing in the middle of the floor while listening to sick beats, yo.

"Nu...why are you breakdancing?" Azrael said.

"Why not? It's fun! You should try it!" Nu somehow said as she was spinning on her head.

Azrael simply looked at the girl...shrugged and tore his shirt off before succumbing to the breakdance fever that Nu was giving out.

Now there were two breakdancing mofos in the office, and magically, they got along great...and breakdanced everywhere.

They breakdanced at the restaurant.

They breakdanced at the park.

They breakdanced at Nu's house.

They breakdanced at Azrael's house.

They breakdanced in both of their beds. Lots of sex was had between the two. It was the wildest.

They breakdanced in the storage closet, while Nine and Jubei were on 'lunch break'. More sex was had.

It only stopped when Rachel smashed the boombox and threw it at Lambda and George II, who was a spider this time.

George II died on impact.


	5. Ragna and Makoto's Adventures

It was a glorious day at Blazblue Inc.

Too bad Litchi Faye Ling had to experience it in the most...off of ways.

For you see, she was simply minding her own business, like most people should, when a certain conversation made its way to her delicate ears.

"Hey, Makoto. Did your tits get bigger or something?"

Her ears perked up at the voice, which belonged to none other than our good resident Dante lookalike protag, Ragna The Bloodedge.

And that same Ragna was asking our lovely busty squirrel girl, Makoto Nanaya, if her already busty bosom got even bustier.

"Nope. They're still the same good girls they've always been." Makoto answered, much to the surprise of Litchi. "Why do you ask?"

"I was just wondering, since they felt like two round balloons when I played with them last night, all nice and firm...and so smooth as well." Ragna replied.

Litchi's eyes widened with shock. She didn't know that Ragna and Makoto were together! They certainly didn't act like it, so that must've meant that they were keeping it a secret from everyone.

Then she heard a belt being unbuckled.

"Well, you did spend a lot of time with them. They certainly loved the attention. I guess it's because of my new training exercise. I've been trying to make them much more fuller since I know you usually go for my ass." Makoto explained. "Not that I mind, to be honest, but now that i remember, I wanted to ask: how the hell did you last over an hour?"

Litchi covered her mouth. Ragna lasting over an hour?!

"Oh that? Let's just say that I've been exercising as well, since I know that you have a lot of stamina and I wanted to make sure you finished before I did."

"Ah. Well next time, you need to calm down, Hercules. I nearly passed out multiple times and I swore that my voice nearly gave out from all of that screaming."

The sound of a chair being moved hit Litchi's ears.

"Well what can I say? I'm just that damn good, woman."

"Yeah yeah, I know. Now sit while I work my magic on you, big boy."

Then the sound of clothes falling down to the ground came about. Litchi didn't know what was going on, but she had a feeling that she should leave now, and fast.

But then…

"Oh shit...damn, you're good...don't stop…"

As fast as her legs could take her, Litchi bolted out of the room, ran over Kokonoe in the process, and ran out the building.

* * *

Meanwhile with Ragna and Makoto, the man was getting a leg massage from the beastkin.

"Dear god, when did you learn to give good massages like this? My legs haven't felt this good in a long ass time."

Makoto smiled. "My mom taught me when I was younger. She said that good men always had strong legs so that they can walk miles to support their family." She patted his legs. "I can tell that you're gonna put these to good use someday."

Ragna pulled up his pants. "Awesome. Thanks again. I feel great, especially after last night. Too bad we didn't get to eat dinner after the show we put on in the restaurant."

Makoto slid into his lap and kissed him while she unbuttoned her blouse. "Well, that's what happens when we have sex right on top of the table in front of everyone."


	6. Lunch and Yuri

It was a normal day at Blazblue Inc.

It was noon, so that meant that it was lunch time. As usual, it was the norm for many people:

Nine dragged a poor soul named Jubei into the storage closet after locating him in the dumpster. No, he wasn't hiding from his sex crazed wife or anything like that, no siree! He was just...making sure that all of the garbage was nice and neatly put away!

...yeah, let's run with that.

Minerva was currently on a nice lunch date with Carl. The two were having fun. Nothing to report here.

Es sat with Lambda, feeding her little bites of food. Es smiled brightly when Lambda complimented her cooking. It was diabetic inducing.

Oh, and George III was there as well. He was a ant. Rachel was not amused.

Bullet was eating a sandwich, and Noel was watching from afar with a perverted grin, making sure to savor every chew and swallow that the mercenary did to her memory bank.

Nu and Azrael were in the kitchen, breakdancing away. How? They brokedanced the wall down.

In the corner table, it was hard to ignore Ragna sitting there, looking so very relaxed and sucking air while trying to grip the wall railings.

It was also hard to ignore a certain familiar squirrel tail from under said table.

It was even harder for Litchi to look away, gripping poor Kokonoe to make them stop.

That's lunch for you!

* * *

At the catering table, Mai Natsume was busy stuffing her face with any and every food that she could get her grubby little hands on. Nothing was safe from her!

That cake? Gone!

That chicken? Down the hatch!

Those cookies that nobody really eats on Christmas? Same fate!

Mai grabbed everything and anything and shoved it down her throat.

Her only issue was that she wasn't alone, because Taokaka was doing the same thing!

"All you can eat for Tao? Awww, you shouldn't have!" Tao said as she began stuffing her face as well.

Now this could've been left alone, but because comedy, we're going to make these two hate each other.

Like so…

They both reached for the fruitcake, but took a piece each and stuffed it into their mouths.

Now two things did occur to them at that moment.

One was that how the hell could anyone eat fruitcake? Second was…

Any fruitcake sucks if not eaten whole, and each one took half of the whole thing.

Mai and Taokaka looked at each other.

They both glared at each other's piece...which was still in their mouths.

Now...ANY sane person would just give up and go about their merry way and forget about all of thi-

Oh screw it. They decided to wrestle for each other pieces with their tongues.

"It's mine!" Mai yelled into Tao's mouth, which tasted like fish.

"Nope! Tao wants it!" Tao yelled back into Mai's mouth, which tasted like garbage.

"Heeeey...my cooking is not garbage!" Noel cried.

The two went back and forth, and unbeknownst to them, Hibiki was standing over them, holding a camera and recording the action...all with a dull look on his face.

Then after five minutes, the fight slowed down...and a bra flew onto Hibikles's head, making his dull look into a dull grin.

Then a pair of panties landed on his face.

"Heh...heh...heh…"


	7. Most Epic Ninja Battle Evah

It was a normal day at Blazblue Inc.

Tsubaki Yayoi was bored at the front desk, doing crossword puzzles and secretly downloading nude Jin pics.

Right now, she was stuck on a puzzle that read "Six letter foreign word for 'Brother'".

"For some reason, I know it...but I can't, for the eyesight of me, figure it out."

As she was trying to rack her brain, she heard a voice.

"Um...excuse me?"

Tsubaki looked up to see who it was, but saw no one.

She looked to the left. She saw Amane teaching Tager how to dance. Surprisingly, the big man was more graceful that she pictured him as. It was disgusting.

She looked to the right. She saw Rachel grinding her foot into the ground with a smug-as-fuck look, all while Lambda was trying to pull her foot away crying out "George III! No!"

Tsubaki shrugged as she went back to her crossword puzzle, but stopped when she saw a young girl landing on top of her desk.

She was wearing a gym uniform shirt with blue cuffs and a dog's paw on the front, blue bloomers, open toe sandals with socks, and had a long red scarf, fingerless gloves with arm guards, fishnet leggings, a ninja headband with a dog's paw on it and a ninja mask. She had short brown hair and had dog ears and a tail.

"Hello!" the young girl said.

"Um...hi?" Tsubaki answered. "Can I...help you?"

The girl nodded as she reached into her bloomers to pull out a big lunch box. "Konoha is here to deliver this to Father-dono. He forgot it this morning when he left, so Konoha came here to give it to him."

Tsubaki just nodded. "I see. Alright, I'll let him know, Miss Konoha. Um...who is your father, by the way?"

Just then, Bang Shishigami entered the front area

"Oh my word! I can't believe that I forgot my lunch at home! Maybe I can see if I can buy something from the store." He said.

He then saw Tsubaki and Konoha, and his face beamed with happiness.

"DAUGHTER-DONO!"

Tsubaki and Konoha turned to him, and Konoha beamed the same happiness that Bang did.

"FATHER-DONO!"

The two ran to each other and embraced with tears of happiness. In the background, two mysterious people put up a sunset backdrop for the tearful moment between the two.

"Good job, Lee! It's always a pleasure to see a happy family!" One of them said.

"Yes, Guy-sensei! We shall leave these two to their own devices!" The other one said.

Then they left.

After the crushing hug, Bang released the young girl. "What are you doing here? I thought you were at school."

Konoha pointed to the lunchbox. "You forgot that, so Konoha came here to give it to you, Father-dono."

Bang smiled and patted her head. "I see. What a good girl."

Konoha smiled back. "Waffu!"

Then Bang grew serious. "But...you did leave school without permission. You know the punishment for that, do you?"

Konoha nodded and got out her kunai. "Yes I do."

Bang got out his nail...and the two left the building.

* * *

Meanwhile, Tsubaki was in shock that Bang had a kid.

She was even more in shock that Bang had a kid...before her!

She was even much more in shock in someone let Bang stick his nail in them and explode!

She then grew angry and stormed upstairs, grabbed Jin, stripped him naked, and gave the entire office a show they would never forget, especially with not only Jin crying like a bitch, but with Tsubaki yelling " **GIVE ME BABIES, YOU PSYCHO!"**

Ragna and Makoto challenged them, as did Nine and Jubei, against his will. There were no losers.

* * *

And as for Konoha and Bang...it was the most epic fight in all of ninja history, let me tell you!

I mean...whew! Words can't describe what went down! It was some crazy shit. That was something that could only been seen live! Any and all recordings were DELETED!

But...do _you_ really want to know what happened? I mean...do you _really_ want to know?

You DO?! Well ok, then!

What happened was-


	8. Naoto vs PC - Celica Wins

Another day at Blazblue Inc?! Well alright then…

"Gah! Why can't I figure this out?!" Naoto Kurogane complained as he tried to fix a number.

For whatever reason, the answer he got never added up correctly. He entered the numbers correctly every time, and even double and triple checked, but still got the same answer.

It didn't help that the screen gave him the middle finger every time he did so.

So he gave one back.

Then...the computer screen grew a face and stuck out its tongue.

"Oh, so you wanna play like THAT, huh?!" Naoto exclaimed as he stuck his tongue out back.

The the screen made a face at him.

Naoto was not pleased.

"Ok buddy...NOW it's on!"

And so for the next 10 minutes, it was Naoto vs The Computer Screen. No booking for some big wrestling event was done.

It all reached a head when the screen decided to moon the guy. Naoto was not pleased with seeing a pixelated ass in his face.

So he pulled down his pants, turned around and gave a moon back.

The computer screen exploded.

"What the…" Naoto said as he stood up straight.

Only to hear papers drop in front of him.

He looked up to see Celica A Mercury bent on her knees...staring straight at his crotch with a wide eyed expression.

"Oh! I'm sorry, Celica." He said embarrassed as he pulled up his pants and rushed out the room.

It was a shame that he didn't get very far, as he felt Celica grab him by the pants, pushed him to the floor, rip said pants off, along with his underwear, and continue to stare at his crotch with the same expression.

Then she was blinded by the shine from Naoto's crotch.


	9. RIP Valkenhayn

Twas simply another day at The Inc of Blazblue.

Valkenhayn had a really bad feeling in the pit of his old doggy belly that he should've stayed home and kept those damn kids off his lawn.

God knows that he hates it when other people take dumps on his yard. A certain unfortunate soul found out the hard way what happens when you dump on Valky's yard.

Poor poor Hakumen…

Anyway, he was about to clock in when he heard a familiar song play throughout the building.

"That song...it can't be!" He said as he made his way to his office.

Unfortunately, what he saw was so horrific, it can't be described in words. Like seriously, it was too horrific.

I mean, how the hell could I describe the fact that everyone in the office was currently on Death's doorstep because Izanami decided to take up kitchen duty?

I mean, I can't explain that people were in various positions, such as Jubei's dead body all over a naked dead Nine, Bullet dead on her back and Noel eating her clothes off, Ragna and Makoto physically aging like crazy while having sex, a dead Naoto's pants were gone and Celica's face was pressed against his crotch, breathing deeply, and especially Kagura taking the chance to get a taste of Es's breasts because she was...well, KO'd for the count.

All while a song called "Lacrimosa" was playing.

But hey, if you want to try and picture it, by all means, I give you the permission to do so.

"Oh my…" Valkenhayn said, which unfortunately was heard by Izanami, who merely smirked and made her way to the poor old dude.

"Oh, good! You're here to try my cake!" Izanami smiled.

And promptly shoved the offending piece of pastry down his throat.


	10. It was 18 inches on both sides, FYI

It was a WONDERFUL day at Blazblue Inc. Yeassss…

Kokonoe was on the interwebs, clicking and smirking away.

"Oh, that's good...and so is that...and oh baby, that's nice…"

This did not go unheard by Rachel Alucard, who had just been smashing up George IV, Lambda's pet roach.

I know, right? Who the hell smashes up a pet roach? That's just wrong…

Now a regular roach? Better lace up those boots for a good stomping.

Anyway, Rachel peeked into Kokonuts's cubicle to see what the other woman was talking about.

It turns out...that little Kokoboy was looking at...dildos.

Double sided ones, at that.

"Kokonoe...what is this?" Rachel questioned.

Kokonoe looked back at Rachel in surprise.

Who looked back at Kokonoe.

Who looked back at Rachel.

Who looked back at Kokonoe.

...who looked back at Rachel.

...who looked back at Kokonoe.

...then she reached over to the mouse and clicked out of the page.

"You should know better than that." Rachel scolded. "The one you built for us is much better than these knockoffs."


	11. Is it getting hot in here?

It was...a sad day at Blazblue Inc.

I know. Shocking.

But today, we must pay our respects and mourn a lost loved one.

For you see...Lambda's pet roach, George IV, is gone now.

We must honor the time he's spent on this earth, only to be unceremoniously crushed by one Rachel Alucard.

She still has not paid for such a heinous crime.

But Lambda, fear not. You will gain a new pet. His name shall be George V.

And by my powers, he shall be...a ladybug.

"...I miss him…" Lambchops muttered as she cried into Es's arms.

"I know, but the author said that he'll come back. Just you wait and see." Es tried to reassure her...friend. Yep, they were friends. Totally friends.

Lambda just nodded and let her sadness out while Es rubbed her back.

It was such a lovely scene, it gave Terumi diabetes.

Then Lambda looked up at Es and whispered "...chu chu?"

Es's eyes widened a bit. "...now? Are you sure?"

Lambda nodded again.

Es smiled as she grabbed a large blanket from under her desk and draped it over them, covering Lambda completely before kissing her head. "Take as long as you like."

Lambda nodded once more, and for the next half hour, Es had to bit her lip to keep her voice down and concentrate on her work to not give in to Lambda's actions.

Not only was the AC on full blast and making its way under the blanket, but she couldn't help that Lambda was so good at it, especially when she used her teeth and hands, and it took a hefty amount of willpower to not drag Lambda into the storage closet.


	12. You're up, Miss Vee!

It was a rather _raunchy_ day at Blazblue Inc.

Noel was cackling evilly to herself while she rubbed her hands together. Just over an hour ago, she bought a supposed magic lamp from some vendor on the street.

Said 'vendor' had grey skin, wore a pirate hat with purple hair and had what seemed to be a skull as her bra with various items that would belong to a pirate. She also had little people with red bandannas and were colored black.

Seemed legit to her!

And for an efficient low price as well!

Sucks for that vendor! $1,000 was chump change!

Also that vendor was kind of hot...and sounded just like her for some reason, but who cares?!

MAGIC LAMP, BITCH!

"Muhahaha! I can't wait to summon this genie. Then I can use my wishes for everything Bullet related! Oh my goodness…" She drooled, which got onto the lamp.

"Oh, phooey." She said as she rubbed the lamp to clean the drool.

Then the lamp exploded, revealing a girl, who landed on top of Noel.

Said girl was brown skinned, had long purple hair (like the 'vendor') with a tiara and wore a red beldah with a vest.

"Owiee…" The girl said. "It was stuffy in there…" She looked up and around. "Um...where am I?"

She was then pushed off by Noel. "Get off of me! Who are you?!" Noel asked the new girl.

Said girl gave her a glare. "Hey, that's kind of rude, you know? I was locked in that lamp for God knows how long. All I can remember was that I was in my house, stuffing my face with cookie dough, and then I fell asleep. Next thing I know, I'm inside a lamp until now."

Noel's eyes widened. "So...you're the genie of that lamp?"

The girl sighed. "Well...no. I'm _a_ genie, but not of any lamp. Also, technically, I'm a _half_ genie, so anything like wish granting is out of my abilities."

Noel grew angry. "So...you're saying that I blew a thousand bucks for a half-ass genie who can't grant wishes and...now that I think about it, sounds a hell of a lot like me."

The genie then grew angry. "I have a name, you know. It's Shantae. And also, I think it's the other way around. _You_ sound like me, sister!"

Then Nu decided to pop up. "Nuh-uh! You _both_ sound like me!"

Then Lambda came along, carrying George V in her hands. "I must concur. You all sound similar to me…"

Then...a snag hit.

"So wait…" Shantae said. "We all sound alike…"

"Yeah…" Noel said. "So what?"

"So...why are we fighting?"

"Because you don't grant wishes." Noel stated.

"But what wishes did you want?"

Before Noel can speak, Nu quipped in.

"She totally wants to do that busty chick over thar!" She pointed to Bullet, who was doing yoga.

Shantae then hummed. "I see…" She turned to Noel. "Give me five minutes."

* * *

15 minutes later, and Noel walked out of the storage closet a happy woman.

Bullet, naked and in said storage closet, was morally confused on what the hell just happened, but before she could process it, she blacked the fuck out.

"I was wrong about you, Shantae. You _do_ grant wishes!" Noel said as she hugged the genie.

Nu and Lambda clapped.

Shantae smiled. "No problem! Now...can you help me get home?"

"Not yet! I've got an idea!" Nu said.

Said idea was for the four to become friends.

* * *

And so, the four women became fast friends. It was lovely.

They did everything together, so much so that Shantae gave the middle finger to her old home and partied like an animal with the three sisters.

The parties were so wild that they decided to do prank calls on people.

The first was a girl named Ying. They said her costume was garbage and that she sounded like a bitch. She was confused as to how they could call her via crystal ball.

The next was a girl named Marinette Dupain-Cheng, also known as Ladybug. Once again, they said her costume was garbage and that she sounded like a bitch. She hung up and shrugged.

The last was a woman named Velvet Crowe, and once more, they said that her costume was garbage and that she sounded like a bitch.

Velvet Crowe hung up and went to hunt them down, joining forces with Ying and Ladybug.

There was a big epic battle, and the vendor, now named Risky Boots, joined in on the fray.

There were no survivors.

George V was eaten by Ladybug.

Bullet never recovered her memories of that day.


	13. Kagura tries and fails - Part 2

Oh, what a great view! It was the view of Blazblue Inc.

Kagura Mutsuki was doing his own thang, checking out the women around him and judging how good they would be in bed.

"Let's see...I'd do her, do her, and of course her. That one knows how to use her mouth, and that one's a screamer."

He was walking by when his perverted eyes fell onto one Makoto Nanaya, and she was without a Ragna at her side.

He smirked. It was time to have another go with the squirrel girl.

"Well well well, if it isn't Lover #3. Fancy seeing you here." He grinned, showing his pearly whites.

Makoto stopped what she was doing and groaned. "I can't say the same, and for the last time, who the hell's Lover #3?"

Kagura chuckled his lady killing chuckle. "Well that would be...you. After all, you remember that one lonely night when we gave into our passionate desires, don't you?"

Makoto just sighed and put her head in her hands. "...what do you want?"

"Oh, nothing special. I just wanted to see if you wanted to...replay that special night with me." He snaked an arm around her waist. "Trust me, it'll be much better to be with me than good ol' Raggy. I bet he doesn't even know how to lic-GA-URGH!"

Kagura stopped his speech when a small round-like object collided with his family jewels. He looked down while holding said jewels to see a small white-haired girl...who looked like a carbon copy of Makoto, but with a white tail and green eyes. She also looked to be around 3-4 years old.

She was sitting on the ground with a small plastic bag full of candies next to her, rubbing her small head. "Owiee…" She said as tears started to form in her eyes.

Now Kagura loved making women cry, usually in pleasure and when saying his name during said pleasure, but never in pain. He has his good points, you know.

Before he could get a word in, Makoto was already consoling the young girl, hugging her close.

"Kenya, are you ok?" She said as she rubbed the girl's back.

Kagura was surprised. He didn't know Makoto knew her. Then again, they looked like they could be sisters, so it wasn't impossible.

The little girl sniffed as she shook her head. "...my bum hurts. Can you kiss it better, mommy?"

 _Now_ Kagura was surprised. Makoto...had a kid? How? When? With who and why?

Makoto smiled as she kissed her index and middle fingers and touched the girl's bottom. "There! All better?"

Kenya nodded. "Yep. Thank you mommy." She hugged Makoto, who picked her up and kissed her head.

Makoto grinned as she put Kenya down. "So what did you get at the store?"

Kenya smiled as she reached for her little bag and began to dig out her items.

Meanwhile, Kagura recovered from his shock to finally form...some sort of sentence.

"So...you have a kid, Makoto?"

Makoto turned to Kagura and nodded. "Yep. Her name is Kenya, and she's 3." She felt a tug on her skirt and looked down at Kenya showing her what goodies she bought.

"I see…" Kagura said. "So...who's the father?"

At that moment, he felt a fist collide with his perfect face, sending him out the building and into the sky, ending with a twinkle.

That fist was connected to an arm, and that arm was connected to a Ragna the Bloodedge.

"That...would be me, pal."

At his voice, Kenya looked up and smiled brightly. "Daddy! I win! I got here before you!" The girl sang as she stood up and pointed at the man.

Ragna just grinned as he scooped up the young girl and kissed her cheek. "Yeah, you did. Daddy's a slow guy, isn't he? But you..." He poked her belly, earning him a giggle. "Little Miss Speedy. Don't run too far ahead next time, ok? You'll trip and hurt yourself."

Kenya nodded. "Yes, daddy."

Makoto picked up Kenya's bag and handed it to her. "That's a lot of candy, sweetie. Don't eat too much, or else you'll get cavities. Make sure to save some for dessert tonight, ok?"

Kenya nodded again. "Yes, mommy."

Ragna grabbed Makoto and pulled her close to him. "So...what was Kagura doing around you?"

Makoto sighed. "He was trying to get in my skirt...again."

Ragna shook his head. "Oh man...will he ever learn?"

"No idea, I'm afraid." She shrugged. "Oh, but it was funny when Kenya headbutted his balls by accident."

"Really now?" Ragna turned to Kenya. "Kenya, did you say sorry?"

Kenya shook her head and looked down. "No…"

Ragna smiled. "Good. Never apologize to that guy, ok? He's a mean person who's trying to hurt mommy."

Kenya's eyes widened as she turned to Makoto. "Did he hurt you, mommy?"

Makoto shook her head as she kissed Kenya's temple. "Nope. You came and saved me. Thank you sweetie."

Kenya giggled, as did Ragna and Makoto, who then kissed much to the young girl's chargan.

"Ewwwww! Don't do that, mommy and daddy!" She covered her face to not see her parents kissing.

Makoto grinned. "Really? But what about you kissing that boy, Chris, on the cheek yesterday?"

Kenya hid her face again to hide her blush. "Mooooommmmmmmyyyy!"

Ragna...did not grin.

In fact, he looked angry.

"Chris? Who's this Chris?"

Yep, he was angry.

Why?

Because some lowlife bug named... _Chris..._ got his beautiful daughter to put her precious lips on his cheek.

And now Ragna had _two_ problems to handle.

And that's not fine, m'kay?


	14. Luna's Nut-Shot Festival

Ahhh, Blazblue Inc. You survived another day…

Trinity Glassfield was in her cubicle, checking and downloading... _certain_ pictures. Pictures that would have her change her panties from such excitement.

"My goodness...you never let up, don't you? The details of these...works of art. I may need a bigger drive to hold all of these…"

It was at that moment that Platinum, or more specifically Luna, decided to pop up.

"Heeeey! I'm bored! Trinity, I'm bore-hey, whatcha looking at?" The magical loli asked her busty friend.

Trinity jumped in surprise as she quickly clicked out of her browser. "P-P-Platinum! I-I mean, Luna! You scared me!" She held a hand to her chest to calm herself down. Her nice...busty...juicy...delectable...oh so gorgeous chest.

 _Yum~_

"I'm bored!" Loli McGee repeated. "Today's boring! Give me something to do!"

Boobs McKenzee sighed at her loli buddy. "Aren't you always bored? Why don't you, I don't know, go kick rocks or something?" She said as she turned back to her PC.

Now, usually Trinity would always play with her loli self, but today was not the day.

After all, those lovely pics won't download themselves. Especially the one with the X-Rays. _Those_ were the juiciest ones.

"But I kicked all of the rocks yesterday! I even kicked Kagura in his rocks! I don't...that's it!"

Trinity held a groan as she turned away from her precious PC, and just after she opened her browser, too. "...what's it?"

"I'll kick everyone's rocks! Or nuts! Or testicles! I'll call it Luna's Nut-Shot Festival! I'll go around and kick everyone in the balls, and you," Luna handed Trinity a recorder. "Will record every nut-shot I do. Trust me, it'll be totes hilar!"

Trinity thought about it. On one hand, she could completely reject Luna and go back to her pic collecting. Those juicy ones were just waiting for her to get them and... _use_ them. So far, no one has caught her and her hobby. As for those who did...well, she made sure that they had to fade away…and classify themselves as obsolete.

In the back, Arakune yelled "OBSOLETE!"

He was deleted for being an obsolete mule.

But on the other hand, kicking people in the balls was funny as hell.

Well...she had the browser minimized. She could always go back and do her stuff later.

She opened her other browser just in case someone were to walk by and needed to use her PC.

But what were the chances of that happening? Pssh. Nada, yo.

"Well...it might be funny." She turned on the camera. "So...when do we begin?"

Luna grinned. "We begin...NOW!"

* * *

And thus, Luna's Nut-Shot Festival was underway.

Every man she came across, she kicked in the balls.

She kicked Ragna in the balls. Makoto blew her into a wall splat with a Shooting Star while Kenya made a 'Pain, Pain, Go Away' song because some mean girl hit her daddy in his wee-wee.

She kicked Jin in the balls. Tsubaki came flying in with a DYNAMIC ENTRY, then hit a Knee of Justice before finishing her with a running and jumping FALCON PAWNCH! YES!

She kicked Arakune in the balls. She got sucked into his body.

She kicked Carl in the balls. Minerva and Ada skewered her, all while Minerva cried about not being able to receive Carl's babies anymore, despite not being able to in the first place.

She kicked Bang in the balls. Konoha went into deep despair from how she could now never meet her future otoutos and imoutos before she put Luna into a Izuna Drop, complete with a 1080 spin.

She kicked Tager in the balls. Her foot broke from his GIGANTIC METAL TAGER.

She kicked Hakumen in the balls. Izayoi came flying in with a DYNAMIC ENTRY, then hit a Knee of Justice before finishing her with a running and jumping FALCON PAWNCH! YES!

She kicked Hazama in the balls. He was a Smooth Criminal, so he countered with a Jayoku Houtenjin.

She kicked Valkenhayn in the balls. They turned into dust.

She kicked Relius in the balls. Ignis joined in on the fun.

She kicked Amane in the balls. She ran away when he moaned for more.

She kicked Azrael in the balls. Her foot disintegrated and her body exploded.

She kicked Kagura in the balls. Every man, woman and child proceeded to curb stomp his poor nuts.

She kicked Terumi in the balls. He ate her.

She kicked Hibiki in the balls. Nothing happened.

She kicked Naoto in the balls. Celica grabbed her and broke her neck, then healed Naoto's balls before going back to staring at his crotch.

She kicked Susanoo in the balls. He threw her into The Void.

She didn't kick Jubei in the balls. Nine deleted her from existence.

* * *

"So...did you have fun?" Trinity asked as Luna recovered from her various deaths.

"Yep! Thanks, booby self!" She said as she ran off elsewhere.

Trinity sighed in relief. Now that Luna was gone, she could go back to her long awaited activity.

When she got there, she was surprised to see Litchi Faye Ling at her PC.

But she was shocked when she saw that Litchi had her personal browser open.

The one...with the pics.

So...now Litchi knows.

And now...Litchi must fade away...and classify herself as obsolete.

"OBSOLETE!" Arakune said again before he was deleted once more.

"T-Trinity! I didn't see you there!" Litchi said. "I wasn't going on here to look, I swear!"

Trinity took out a huge rock.

"Wait, you have to believe me!" Litchi pleaded, fearing that her time in this fanfiction was up.

Trinity lifted up the rock over her head.

"Wait, please! Don't kill me!" Litchi cried out. "I'll keep it a secret that you like furry po-"

Bop.

With a soft hit, Litchi was KO'd, and Trinity grabbed the unconscious woman to dispose of her.

"Do not worry, Litchi. I'll make sure you do so…" Trinity said as she dragged Litchi into the storage closet. In there was an unconscious Kagura, bound and gagged.

"...as you fade away, and classify yourself as obsolete."

"OBSOLETE!"

"Shut up, Arakune!"

Bop.


	15. Wing-Wacker is the new term

What a day at Blazblue Inc.

Naoto Kurogane was currently hiding under the kitchen sink.

Why, you people ask? Well, I'll gladly tell you!

Now sit in that chair...yes, that one. OK, good. Now listen up.

Naoto is hiding like a little pussy bitch because Celica did nothing but stare at his crotch, and it's to the point that she'll kill anyone and everyone who interrupts that.

Including her own sister.

Nothing comes between her and Naoto's nether regions...literally.

Oh, and Naoto wasn't wearing any pants, either. Celica ripped them off and threw them into a dumpster.

"Oh man! Why me?!" Naoto whined. "What did I do to deserve this?!"

"I wish I knew, buddy…"

Naoto turned to the voice to find our good man and resident Nine plower, Jubei.

Jubei was also under the kitchen sink, hiding from his lovely and sex-crazed wife. Now some of you may be wondering why would he do such a crazy thing, and some of you might be even thinking of embracing said wife in his place.

You have fun with that.

"Oh, hey Jubei. What are you doing here?" Naoto asked.

"Check the explanation a couple of sentences up." Jubei pointed out. "But back to you. I've seen Celica trying to look at your...wing-wacker, and to be honest, I haven't a clue why, especially when she's hell bent on making sure she sees it at all times. I mean hell, I remember that one time that you wore metal pants, and she practically ripped off your metal pants to see it, and she broke Luna's neck when she kicked you in the balls!"

"Ok, first off, who the hell calls a penis a 'wing-wacker'? And second, this whole thing is getting ridiculous! I wish it would stop!" Naoto pleaded.

Just then, Shantae walked by. What the hell was she still doing here?

"Well, I like it here." She turned to Naoto. "And sorry, I can't grant those kinds of wishes. I can bring people together, but not apart. Speaking of…" She turned to Nine, who was behind her. "I found him! Now give me those pics of Risky Boots in the shower!"

Nine torched Shantae to a crisp, grabbed a screaming and crying Jubei and walked off.

"Oh yeah...one more thing."

Nine grabbed Naoto and pinned him to the wall, trapping his wrists and ankles with metal locks before taking Jubei back to the storage closet. "Now come, darling~ My daily pounding awaits~"

Naoto watched as they walked off, trying to break free. "Hey! Let me down! Why did you do this?!"

In that moment, Celica turned the corner, saw Naoto on the wall and proceeded to resume her activity of staring at his crotch, all with a very wide eyed expression.

Naoto just sighed at his predicament. "God damn it...well, it's not like it can get any worse."

Oh...but it can.

Makoto was walking Kenya to the bathroom when they just so happened to see Celica and Naoto.

Naoto...was not wearing pants.

Nor underwear.

So everyone could see his wee-wee.

Even little Kenya, who not only pointed it out, but then started crying because a strange man showed his wee-wee at her.

Makoto...was livid.

She charged up a Lvl 3 Big Bang Smash, combined with a Falcon Punch.

And launched it straight into Naoto's nether regions.


	16. Jubei has a good day

It was a day. A day at Blazblue Inc.

Jubei was feeling quite happy today. He was skipping on his way to work and even greeting the young kids who put gum in his fur.

Why, you ask again? You people with your never-ending questions.

But I might as well tell you, anyway. Can't go any further until you know, I'm afraid.

You see, Nine woke up feeling a bit under the weather, so now she's home resting up.

But wait, you might say. Why is it a good thing that his wife is home sick, you ask.

To that I say...you'll see.

ANYWAY!

"Good morning, Mr. Jubei." Tsubaki greeted him. "You seem happy today. Did something happen?"

Jubei just smiled a million watt smile. "Weeeeelllll...something that i feared since coming back here isn't going to happen today, so I'm going to enjoy the hell out of today as much as I can." He walked up the stairs. "Have a good day, Tsubaki."

Tsubaki waved him bye before resuming her daily activity...which was sitting there, doing nothing.

Nothing. At all.

Tsubaki then let the weight of being useless get to her.

"...I need a Jin in me."

* * *

For the rest of the day, Jubei tackled the day with a smile. He was so happy that he ignored all of the craziness around him, including Azrael and Nu breakdancing his wall down, Litchi complaining that nothing gets done around here and that it was his fault before being dragged away by Trinity, all while the girl was yelling "I'M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU!", and he even let little Kenya mess with his PC while she watched Kaka-Man, her favorite show.

Oddly enough, Ragna wasn't there, saying that he had to go save the world or something, but Jubei waved it off. Though now that he thought about it, Kaka-Man sounded a hell of a lot like Ragna…

Must be the happy vibes!

After the day was done, he headed home. Then his mood turned sour, knowing that Nine was there, waiting for him so that she could pounce on him as soon as he walked in the door.

But...that wasn't meant to be.

When he walked into the door, he saw Nine, dressed in a long sleeved turtleneck and fitting jeans, and in her hands was a little box.

"Nine, what are you doing out of bed? I thought you were sick." Jubei asked.

"Well, about that...I...kind of lied. It was really to show you this." Nine said as she handed the box to Jubei.

He looked at it and shook it a bit. "Uh...thanks. What is it?"

She giggled, and Jubei paled a bit. Nine rarely giggles, so this must be something huge. "Just open it, silly, and you'll know."

Jubei nodded and tenderly opened it before he nearly dropped it at what he just saw inside.

It was a pregnancy test. A pregnancy test that read positive.

He looked up at Nine, who had tears in her eyes and her hands over her stomach.

"...we're parents. Again."

And thus, the two embraced, a wave of emotions flooding through them, knowing that a new Mercury was on the way.

* * *

"Wait...I'm becoming a big sister?!" Kokonoe asked.

" _Yes, honey. I just found out today, and your father and I couldn't be happier!"_

"I see...well, I'm happy for you, mom. I just hope dad's there for this one this time."

" _Oh, don't worry about that. I have your father tied down for this baby."_

"...I hope you mean that metaphorically." Kokonoe deadpanned.

" _That, and literally. In fact, your father is inside me as we speak~"_

Kokonoe hung up and threw the phone away from her. "Always with the sex, mom…"

From under the covers, Rachel popped her head up. "Oh? You're one to talk, Miss Koko. Aren't you currently doing the same with me?"

Kokonoe just grinned. "Well I'm not going to tell my own mother that my girlfriend's down there doing all sorts of things to me with her wicked tongue."

Rachel just raised an eyebrow. "Really now? _I'm_ the one with the wicked tongue? Last time you went down on me, I had to explain to Valkenhayn that I stubbed my toe to hide my moans. I'd say that _you_ have the wicked tongue here, my dear."

Kokonoe just grabbed Rachel and gave her a full kiss. "Well if you need a reminder, I'll be more than happy to give you a encore…"


	17. Kenya's Big Adventure

It was a horrible day at Blazblue Inc.

Nothing bad happened, but that guy over there lost a dollar.

SO HORRIBLE!

Anyway, little Kenya decided to go on a bit of an adventure around the office, and being at the tender age of three, it was time to venture out on her own, into the real world.

But first, she needed the essentials, and this would guarantee her a safe journey as she traveled.

She checked her pink peanut backpack to make sure everything she needed was good to go:

A bag of snacks for when she got hungry, consisting of an apple, a sandwich made with Peanut Butter, no crusts, and a box of apple juice.

Her favorite Kaka-Man doll, so that she had a traveling partner. Always nice to have a buddy!

And a coloring book with crayons. Entertainment was necessary to survive a long travel.

She was good to go!

"Ok, mommy. I'm off!" She waved to Makoto.

"Ok, sweetie. Don't bother anyone, ok? And watch out for bad people." Makoto told her daughter.

The young beastkin nodded as she ran off. Good luck, Kenya! I wish you safety in this cruel, cruel world…

Kenya's first stop was visiting her Auntie Koko, who was talking to her Auntie Rachel.

She liked her Auntie Koko because she had candy, and her candy tasted awesome! She also liked her Auntie Rachel because she had a big fat cat that she liked to jump on.

"Hi Auntie Koko and Auntie Rachel!" Kenya announced.

Both women looked down at the young girl and smiled.

"Hello, little one. What brings you here?" Rachel asked.

"I'm on an adventure!" Kenya said.

"Oh, really?" Kokonoe said. "An adventure, huh? Having fun so far?"

Kenya shook her head. "Not yet. It's kind of boring."

"Well, that won't do." Rachel replied. "An adventure must be exciting. How about we join you on your adventure?"

Kenya's eyes lit up and she smiled. "Really? Thank you!"

Kokonoe smirked. "No problem, kid. Now let's go have some fun!"

* * *

And thus, the three girls went and had fun.

They met the breakdancing duo, Azrael and Nu. They all decided to join them, resulting in Rachel pulling out moves that showcased her unseen flexibility.

Kokonoe would jot notes down for later that night.

Next, they visited Tsubaki, who was doing crossword puzzles. Kenya didn't like them since they had big words and no pictures.

She did draw a picture of her Uncle Jin and Auntie Tsubaki together. That was nice.

Next, they went to visit Auntie Noel, who was stalking Bullet as usual. Kenya didn't know why her Auntie Noel liked to look at Miss Bullet. Maybe she liked her in the same way that her Auntie Koko and Auntie Rachel liked each other.

Rachel had to laugh. Little Kenya had no idea how right she was.

Next, they visited Carl, who was talking to Minerva.

Ever since Carl gave her a flower, Kenya harbored a crush on the boy, which was why she hid behind Kokonoe's legs while waving bashfully to him.

Everyone prayed that Ragna would never find out.

They then walked around until it was lunch time. Kenya ate with her aunties while they fed each other. She even let Kaka-Man take a bite out of her sandwich.

Afterwards, she made one last stop at Ragna's cubicle.

"Daddy! I'm home!" She yelled as she jumped into her father's arms

"Kenya! I missed you! How was your adventure?" Ragna played along.

Kenya then told him everything in great detail, and even added things that never happened, like how she fended off a tiger or how she saved a village.

"Oh really? You saved a village? My daughter, the hero." Ragna replied as he kissed her head.

Kenya giggled as she hugged her daddy.

"It does baffle me, Ragna, as to how someone as brutish as you could produce something as adorable as Kenya." Rachel quipped.

"I'd say that Makoto was to thank for that." Kokonoe added.

"Hey!" Ragna complained. Everyone had a good laugh, and the episode ended.

* * *

...oh wait, we have to end on a joke.

Um…

Uh…

...Oh!

"Hey Ragna the Pedoedge! Looks like Carl might be your son-in-law!" Luna yelled.

" **HE WHAT?!"**


	18. Bark Bark Bark - Relius Clover

It was a day at Blazblue Inc.

Izanami was walking in, ready to start her day like always.

That would be cooking for the poor souls who dare to try her food.

Mai and Hazama were the only ones to survive such an ordeal.

"Ohhh, I wonder what recipe I should try today…" She said to herself as she rubbed her hands together, causing a fire.

After she doused her hands in H2O, she waltz into the kitchen, only to find Ignis in the dining area, holding a leash.

At the end of said leash was one Relius Clover, who was on his hands and knees.

"Bark bark. Bark bark bark. Bark." He went.

Before Izanami could question why and the why, Ignis held her hand up.

"..."

Izanami blushed a heavy blush as she quickly made her way out of the room, barreling into Amane and running him down into a pile of broken bones and bruised flesh.

* * *

It would be an hour before she returned and Ignis and Relius left.

It would be another hour to clean up the stains left by the two.

It would then be _another_ hour for Izanami to comes to terms with the fact that out of all the things that Relius could've left on Ignis, it was _that._

"...I do wonder though. How _does_ it taste?"


	19. Relationship Goals

There was something about Blazblue Inc that made it interesting.

"So, how have you and Ragna been, lately?" Tsubaki asked Makoto.

It was lunchtime, and the two women were eating and chatting away on the roof. No one else was around, except Terumi painting a picture of the sun...by looking directly at said sun.

"Hmm...I'll need to look at this from a better angle." He said as he gathered his supplies and left, leaving the two women alone.

"What do you mean?" Makoto asked.

"I mean how are you two? You don't really talk much about him outside of your home." Tsubaki explained.

"Oh. Well...ok, I guess. I mean, there's not much to talk about, really."

Tsubaki nodded. "I guess that's true. I mean, you two tend to try and have sex anytime and anywhere, so I guess that's silly of me to ask, huh?"

"That's how we are."

Tsubaki took a bite of her food before asking. "But what about romantically? How is he in the romantic aspect of your relationship? I mean...this is _Ragna The Bloodedge!_ Romantic would be the last thing that i would associate with him."

Makoto looked at Tsubaki, confused. "...what romantic aspect of our relationship?"

Tsubaki frowned. "So he's not romantic to you at all?"

"Oh no, he is. But...what relationship are you talking about?" Makoto took a bit of her food before speaking. "Ragna and I aren't in a relationship."

Tsubaki looked at her friend, clearly confused. "...what are you talking about?"

"I'm not dating Ragna. Who told you that?"

Tsubaki put down her food. "So...did you break up with him recently or something?"

"No. We were never together." Makoto took another bite.

"...what do you mean by that?"

"It's exactly like I've said. I've never been in a relationship. I'm still single and so is Ragna." Makoto explained.

Tsubaki was stunned. "Now...that can't be right. I mean...you two were having sex all the time everywhere, and you even have a child together!"

"I know that. We love Kenya to death. She's our precious little miracle."

"And...now you're telling me that...you two weren't even together in the first place." Tsubaki said.

"Pretty much." Makoto confirmed.

"...are you planning to?"

Makoto looked at Tsubaki. "Planning to what?"

"Get together with Ragna." Tsubaki said. "You have a child together, and you two act like a happy married couple. There's no reason that you two shouldn't be together."

"No. No plans at all." Makoto took a sip of her drink.

Tsubaki had to take a seat. "So...you would be fine if Ragna went after another woman, then?"

Before she knew it, Makoto grabbed Tsubaki by the collar and pulled her close to her face, an angry look marred on her face.

"Are you telling me that some bitch is going after Ragna?! SHE DOESN'T DESERVE HIM!"

Tsubaki panicked as she raised her hands in defense. "No no no! I was just saying!"

Makoto calmed down, released Tsubaki and cleaned up her stuff. "Sorry. I was just worried that someone would take him away from me, that's all." Before Tsubaki could say anything else, Makoto left.

The red haired woman sighed. "That was...weird. I wonder how does Ragna feel about all of this…"

* * *

In the distance, one could see Jin being launched into the sun, with a furious Ragna yelling "NO ONE TAKES MAKOTO AWAY FROM ME!"


	20. Who is Harold?

It was a cold day at Blazblue Inc.

This...is Harold.

Harold...is a bear.

Harold loves to dance.

Harold is a dancing bear.

He came to Blazblue Inc, looking for people to dance with.

He saw Nu and Azrael breakdancing.

They saw him looking at them.

"Who's that?" Azrael asked.

"I don't know, but he looks like he wants to join us." Nu said. She walked over to Harold.

"Hey there! Do you want to dance with us?" Nu asked.

Harold nodded, and now he was part of the breakdancing duo, since it now became a trio.

* * *

The trio of Nu, Azrael and Harold broke the interwebs. Literally.

Trinity couldn't download her stuff anymore. It was a dark time…

They posted one video of them dancing, and they were a global hit.

No, seriously. People starting hitting each other after they watched the video.

After the viral video, Nu, Azrael and Harold went on tour.

They sold out at every venue they traveled to. They were the greatest breakdancers ever.

Harold, one day, met a Siberian bear named Bearverly. The two fell in love.

Bearverly joined the trio, now making it a quartet. Their popularity only grew higher.

One night, Harold and Bearverly got it on, like that guy who's name ends with Kong.

Like...he had a big schlong.

...that was kind of wrong.

Anyway, at the sound of a gong and thanks to his dong, Harold and Bearverly had many cubs that liked to play ping pong.

The cubs immediately started breakdancing after one minute of being born thanks to a certain song.

Now the family of bears went on tour once more since they couldn't wait that long.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to smoke my bong.


	21. Office Affairs

It was a late day at Blazblue inc.

"Well...this is an awkward situation." Rachel Alucard said.

Currently, her and Kokonoe were in the storage closet, the only thing covering them was a blanket. All of their clothing was all over the floor.

Now see, they could've went home and did the sex, but Kokonutty wanted to try a late night office affair in said office, and Rachel readily agreed.

So after staying late, they went into the closet and had one of the best sex sessions in their lives.

What they didn't count on was having another couple having the exact same idea.

"Indeed…" Es agreed. Her and Lambda was also in the same position as the former couple.

George VI was on the wall, looking at all four women. She was a butterfly.

Why was a female bug named George?

"Still...I didn't think that you could get that loud, Lambda." Kokonoe said with a grin.

Lambda blushed. "Well...Es is very good with her hands...and tongue."

Rachel gave a grin of her own. "I'm sure she was…"

"Oh?" Es replied. "And I'm sure that you two were soundless. Or were the cries of Kokonoe's wicked tongue meaning something else, entirely?"

* * *

As the four women talked, underneath the supplies was a nervous Noel...and an unconscious Bullet, who was gagged and bound.

"...well, there goes my escape route…"


	22. Baby Maker

It was a rare day at Blazblue Inc.

"You're having a baby, Grandma?" Kenya asked as she sat in Nine's lap.

Nine The Phantom was notorious for burning anyone who would make so much as a reference, directly or not, to her age.

Hell, even Jubei was no exception to that rule. The only thing that stopped her was that she did marry him and have a kid with him, with another on the way.

But Kenya became that exception, if only because she was three and the cutest little fluffball that ever existed, next to her husband of course.

That, and she had always wanted a grandchild. Surely, Kokonoe wouldn't give her that since she was involved in a relationship with Rachel.

"Yes I am, little one. It's in here." She pointed to her flat stomach. "Of course, it'll be a while before you can see it."

Kenya looked at her stomach and patted it. "But...how did it get there?"

Nine coughed nervously before recovering. "Well…" She paused when she realized that she was going to explain to a three year old where babies came from. "The...baby maker gave it to me."

Now Kenya was curious. "What's a baby maker?"

Nine patted the girl's head before answering. "Simple. When a mommy and daddy want to have a baby, they go to the baby maker and put it in the mommy's stomach to grow."

"But why?" Kenya asked. "Can't they just give you the baby?"

"Well...a baby is like a plant." Nine smiled. "You know how you have to grow plants by giving them water?"

Kenya nodded with a smile. "Yep! Mommy told me about planting pretty flowers, but they take a long time and have a lot of...rehs-pon-sibity...to take care of them."

"That's 'responsibility' dear, and she's right. The baby maker is...kind of like that, but it's a job for a mommy to do, and the baby needs more than just water to grow inside a mommy."

"Really?" Kenya asked with wide eyes. "Like...cookies and stuff? I like cookies a lot!"

Nine giggled. "Well...the baby that's growing in my belly needs more than just cookies. It also needs stuff like fruits and veggies."

At that, Kenya stuck out her tongue with a disgusted look on her face. "Eww...I don't like veggies. They taste all icky, and I really don't like broccoli!"

Nine just kissed Kenya's head. "Well, how can you grow big and beautiful if you don't eat your veggies?"

"Well my daddy doesn't like me growing up. He always says things like keeping boys away. But boys are icky, too!" Kenya stated.

"Oh? What about Carl?" Nine questioned.

At that, Kenya hid her face with a blush. "But...Carl's cool. I like Carl…"

"Really now?" Nine asked. In the back of her head, she would go question Carl later for catching the eye of her wonderful granddaughter.. "But you know...Carl doesn't like girls who don't eat their veggies."

Kenya's eyes widened with sadness." He...doesn't?"

Nine suppressed a smile. "Nope. He said that girls who don't eat their veggies are bad girls, and he won't like them anymore," Nine leaned in close to Kenya. "...especially girls who hate broccoli."

At that, Kenya jumped off of Nine's lap and ran to her mother.

* * *

Later that evening, Ragna and Makoto were highly surprised that Kenya ate all of her veggies for dinner after asking for them earlier that day. She even asked for more broccoli and ate it all up.

Their answer as to why their daughter suddenly loved vegetables came in a simple voice mail from Nine that said "You're welcome."

The next day, Carl Clover found himself on Mars.


	23. Kokonoe didn't pull out in time

It was an eventful day at Blazblue Inc.

Kokonoe didn't know how she and Rachel did it...but the little stick in her hands did not lie.

Unless Rachel did, but she swore on her dead father that she did not do anything wrong.

So...she had to ask.

"Rachel, how the hell did you get pregnant?!"

She turned to the other woman, who was holding her stomach with a loving look.

"...I do not know...but...I feel quite happy…"

Kokonoe, however, didn't.

Even more bizarre was that she went through multiple tests, including official ones and ones that she, herself, made, and it all came out positive.

So...indeed, Rachel was pregnant.

But the kicker of it all?

Somehow, _Kokonoe_ was the father!

At least, according to Rachel.

"But...how could two women have kids together?! It makes no sense on any biological or even logical scale!" She patted her crotch. "And unless I somehow grew a penis and didn't know about it, there's no way in hell I could get you pregnant!"

"But you did!" Rachel argued back. "I can feel it! Your DNA meshing with mine...to create our little miracle...why can't you just accept it?"

"Because…" Kokonoe rubbed the back of her head. "...I just didn't think it to be possible...I mean, here I was, thinking that we'd have a kidless relationship, but now boom: you're with a kid and I'm pretty damn sure that you didn't go and cheat on me or used someone else's sperm…"

At that, Rachel slapped her with a hurt expression, and before Kokonoe could try to apologize, she was gone.

* * *

Later that evening, Kokonoe sighed as she walked up to her house. She hadn't seen Rachel all day, and was extremely worried about her. While she couldn't really come to terms about her being pregnant and Kokonoe being the father, that was still her woman, and dammit, she'll just have to suck it up and take care of them, details surrounding them be damned!

So she opened the door, revealing Rachel crying into the arms of Ada.

"Rachel? Ada? What's going on?"

They both looked up to see the pink haired woman at the doorstep, and Ada quickly made her way to Kokonoe to drag her outside for a talk.

"..."

"I'm...not doing too well. I mean...you know what went down between us, right?"

"..."

"Yes, I know she says that I'm the father of our kid, but no matter how you look at it, it's impossible for two women to biologically have a child together. I mean, they can come up with some way or maybe I can, but I don't remember doing so, and I certainly don't remember seeing any announcement stating so, either."

"..."

"...the author will make it so? Is that how it really works?"

"..."

"Time Skip? What time skip?"

* * *

9 months later, and Rachel's baby was born. To Kokonoe's surprise, it was a near carbon copy of her from when she was a baby, except with blonde hair.

They named her Rose, and the couple couldn't be happier.

Coincidentally, Nine also had her baby on the same day, naming him Yoshimitsu. Jubei called shenanigans on the name...then made a call to one Yoshimitsu and deleted him.

Kenya also found out that babies were squishy and now knew exactly where babies came from, thanks to Kagura, who then made himself a nice little deal to give Kenya 15 more years to become Lover #4.

Kagura Mutsuki then became the only man to land on the Sun.


	24. Yukianesa Kisaragi

It was a babyfilled day at Blazblue Inc.

Kenya, now 4 years old, felt like a big sister.

That was because she was seeing a lot of babies around her.

Auntie Koko and Auntie Rachel were playing with Rose, who did nothing but make noises and poop.

Her Grandma was carrying around her...uncle? That's what her mommy told her.

It didn't make sense to Kenya, but she knew that she was older than Yoshi, which was her name for Yoshimitsu, since his name was too hard for her to say.

The only ones who she could talk to was Konoha, Bang's kid, and Yuki, Jin and Tsubaki's daughter, who was the same age as her.

Her full name was Yukianesa, but Kenya called her Yuki for short.

She liked Yuki since Yuki was smart.

Where did Yuki come from, when she was never mentioned before, you ask?

The same time Kenya came around, I answer.

So there. Ragna and Makoto had Kenya the same time that Jin and Tsubaki had Yuki.

When, you marks ask again?

That time when Tsubaki raped Jin, then Ragna and Makoto joined in on the fun, as did Nine and Jubei, or chapter 7, I answer once more.

BUT WAIT, I hear you ask again, and I sigh with irritation, then wouldn't Nine have gotten pregnant around that time as well, you ask?

I say...Jubei's soldiers had to get the fuck up from sleeping too damn long, so Nine got blank shots until recently.

Does that answer all of your questions?

…

But-

I walk away until the next day.


	25. BREAKDANCING FEVER!

It was a breakdancing filled day at Blazblue inc.

Why, I hear you ask.

Oh dear...here we go…

Well, it all started with Harold and his family coming from tour.

They were breakdancing from their car into the Blazblue Inc building, their moves being performed flawlessly.

They just so happened to run into Tsubaki and her daughter, Yuki. Before the red-haired woman could question anything, she suddenly got bit.

Bit by the breakdancing bug.

So she started breakdancing in front of her daughter, who then got bit by the same bug, then she, too, started breakdancing.

They then ran into Jin, and he, too, caught the breakdancing bug.

Dear god, his moves were amazing.

The three soon ran into Ragna, Makoto and Kenya.

But before they could question anything, the breakdancing bug got to them, and they, too, proceeded with the dancing that breaks.

Their flexibility was astounding.

Soon, the entire office saw these breakdancing families, and then all of a sudden, everyone who saw this got the breakdancing bug.

Naoto and Celica, Kokonoe and Rachel and even little Rose, Nine and Jubei and Yoshimitsu, Noel and Bullet, Trinity and Luna, Relius and Ignis, and even Mai and Taokaka.

Nobody was safe from this body busting epidemic.

Dear lord, I didn't even know that Lambda could bend that way! Es, stop with that look, woman!

But then, all of a sudden, without any warning, whatsoever…

The building itself came alive…

...and ordered a cheeseburger.

Then the damn cheeseburger started breakdancing! How? Why? What?!

Then all of the office items in the building started breakdancing as well! How?!

Then the building itself started breakdancing! What the hell are those moves?! You can't do those moves, building! Stop it! STOP IT NOW!

Then every building next to it and others down the street started breakdancing! What the living fu-

Then the street came alive and did moves that would be considered breakdancing. What is going on here?!

Then the clouds, sky and sea and even the damn mountains started breakdancing! I...give up.

Then the goddamn Earth suddenly decided that it wanted to bust a move. Oh my god…

But wait! Now each of the planets, including the damn sun, decided to have a breakdancing competition. Pluto was winning, by the way.

But then...the galaxy wanted a go at the dancing of breaks. But it wasn't the only one!

THE MUTHA FLUCKIN UNIVERSE ITSELF FELT THE NEED TO JOIN IN ON THE FUN!

But whew! Good thing this is a story, or else...wait...oh no...oh my god…

WHY THE FLUCK AM I BREAKDANCING?! OH GOD, HELP ME!

OH MY LEGS! THEY CAN'T SPLIT LIKE THAT, YOU ASSHAT!

READER, HELP ME! YES YOU, SITTING THERE, LOOKING AT THIS! HEL-

…

Oh no…

They...they got you too…

THE BREAKDANCING BUG GOT YOU TOO!

THOSE MOVES SHOULD BE ILLEGAL!

IT'S OVER! IT'S ALL OVER!

 **WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!**

 **GYAAAAA-**

* * *

The world was saved, and everything went back to normal.

Thanks to George VI, who sacrificed herself to bring order back.

Oh, and she gifted Lambda and Es with a child as well.

They named her Cora.

Isn't that lovely.


	26. BJs and Wicked Tongues

It was a Cock-a-doodle-do filled day at Blazblue inc.

"Jin, could you go to the supermarket and buy me the things on this list?" Tsubaki asked.

Jin was going to just relax and do nothing at his desk that day, but Tsubaki had other plans, and those involved him moving.

"Do I have to?" Jin whined.

Tsubaki nodded and gave him _that_ look.

"If you do, I'll surprise you later...under your desk...with my mouth."

* * *

30 seconds later, and Jin was already at the supermarket, courtesy of his Ice Car.

And for some reason, he ended up bringing Yuki along.

"Papa, can we get chicken nuggets?" Yuki asked.

Jin was about to say no, but the look that his daughter gave him convinced him otherwise. That, and she rarely asked for anything that often, so why not?

"Sure thing, honey. Let's look for the things that your mom wanted me to get."

As they walked, they ran into a familiar duo.

"Jin?"

"Brother?"

"Yuki!"

"Oh...Kenya…"

Yes, it looks like Ragna and Kenya were shopping as well.

"What are you doing here, brother?" Jin asked.

"Makoto sent me shopping with the promise of a BJ under my desk." Ragna whispered, not letting the young ears of their children hear anything.

"What a coincidence, brother. Tsubaki promised me the same thing."

"Really? She never struck me as the type of girl like that, but then again, you know her much better than I do."

Then another voice came in.

"Oh, Ragna. Jin. Sup?"

Both men turned to see Kokonoe, with little Rose in her arms.

"You're here too, Kokonoe?" Ragna asked.

"Yep. Rachel promised me about being under my desk-"

"Using her tongue to pleasure you if you went shopping for her, right?" JIn interrupted. "Me and Brother got that same promise from our women as well."

"Really now? That seems suspicious, no matter how you cut it…"

"Kokonoe. Ragna. Jin. Hello."

All three people turned to see Es breastfeeding Cora with a shopping cart in hand.

Ragna sighed. "And let me guess, you're here because Lambda promised you a surprise under your desk?"

Es's eyes widened as she adjusted Cora. "I wasn't going to mention anything like that, but you are correct. How did you know?"

"Because we're all in the same boat, sister." Kokonoe said.

"So...I guess I'm part of the party, huh?"

All four people turned to see Jubei and Yoshimitsu.

"You too, dad?! Ugh, oh god…"

Jin looked at everyone. "So...what exactly is going on here?"

* * *

Meanwhile back at the office, Makoto, Tsubaki, Lambda, Rachel and Nine were sitting in front of the recently installed Big-As-Fuck flat screen in the dining hall, watching All My Kakas.

"So...what did everyone say to get their men and ladies to leave?" Makoto asked.

"I promised Jin a BJ if he went." Tsubaki said.

Makoto's eyes widened. "You did? So did I for Ragna."

Nine looked at both women. "As did I for Jubei."

Rachel blinked. "Well...I can't give one of those to Kokonoe, but it is the equivalent, since I, too, promised that to her."

Lambda raised her hand. "I did so for Es, too."

The room was silent after that, save for the TV playing.

Then Nine spoke. "I think we really need to get sex off of our minds."

The other four women agreed.


	27. Parkour Shenanigans

It was an eggy filled day at Blazblue inc.

Terumi was running late for work. Why, you ask?

That egg he had for breakfast was so good...mmm...yum…

Somehow, the egg turned into a girl, who then proceeded to do your typical waifu fantasies with the Terumi of Yuuki.

Like cleaning his ears.

Doing his laundry.

Cleaning his house.

You know, typical stuff.

Oh, you thought I was going to put a sex joke in here, huh?

While Terumi was running, he got an awesome idea.

"Well, running on the sidewalk sucks eggs. Might as well do some awesome parkour!"

And that was how Terumi started jumping from building to building, from fence to fence and doing flips while he was at it.

Along the way, he ran into Hazama, who was doing the same thing.

"Yo, Haz! Doing parkour?"

"You know it! I can also look smooth doing so. Watch."

Hazama did a triple axel, landing with a twirl and stuck the dismount.

Men grew jelly, women threw their undergarments and themselves, literally, and Torakaka became his stalker.

"Well, shit! That was awesome! Wanna skip work and just do parkour shit all day?"

"Well...why not?"

* * *

And thus, Hazama and Terumi did nothing but parkour all day. Torakaka eventually joined in on the fun, becoming Hazama's bitch. Terumi's egg waifu, named Tamago, also joined.

It was a lovely story, but one that'll never make the big screen.

And as she watched it all unfold, Litchi Faye Ling wondered what the hell was going through my mind.


	28. Carl Clover's Unusual Harem

It was a family day at Blazblue Inc.

Carl Clover has had his run with Death loads of times.

Hell, the two were practically best buds at this point. He even got together with Death's kid and did the do. How did he do that, you ask?

Hell if I know. I just do.

So now, he's looking at another trip to Death's doorstep because of three reasons:

One was Minerva, who was currently reaching to him with an action grip.

Two was Ragna, who had his big slab of a sword pointing at his general direction, nearly pressed into his neck. It didn't help that Kenya was looking at him like he was the coolest person in the world, and to Ragna, if anyone was cooler than him other than his wife (or...not...the office is _still_ trying to figure out what Makoto and Ragna were) and maybe even her grandparents, then it better be a woman, or that guy's dead.

And last, well...it was a miracle in as to how he was still alive when nearly 90% of his organs was frozen over in ice for the last hour, and the culprit was one Jin Kisaragi, who gave him the most chilling glare that he had ever seen. Oh, and why Jin, you ask?

Because to Carl's horror, much like Kenya, it seemed like little Yuki developed feelings for the boy as well. All because he helped her solve a math problem.

Such misfortune.

"..." Minerva cried out.

"But how could I cheat on you with these two?! They're only four!" Carol tried to explain.

"Oh? So my beautiful daughter's not good enough for you? You saying that she's not your type, kid?" Ragna replied with a demonic voice.

"I'm...not your type...Carl?" Kenya said with tears forming in her eyes.

"And now you're making her cry?!" Ragna pressed the sword into his neck further.

"No! I'm not!"

"Oh…? So what about Yuki? You saying that she's not relevant, here?" Jin spoke, the ice reaching up to Carl's neck. "You go after Brother's daughter, but not mine? You don't like her or something?!"

Carl gulped. "No no, I like Yuki, but-"

Yuki gasped in happiness, but Jin...Jin was not pleased.

"You like my little girl?! **I'll kill you!** "

"No no, not in that wa-"

"So you don't like me...?" Kenya was now crying.

"No, that's not it, Kenya! I do like you-"

Now Kenya gasped in happiness, but Ragna...Ragna was livid.

"SO NOW YOU LIKE KENYA, HUH KID?!"

"Gah! Minerva, help me, please!" Carl pleaded to his girlfriend.

The doll turned away, crossing her arms. "..."

"BUT I DON'T HAVE ANY OTHER GIRLFRIENDS BESIDES YOU!"

 **"SO YOU'RE SAYING THAT MY DAUGHTER'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?!"** Both brothers screamed.

"THAT'S NOT IT!"

Just then...Death's kid, Deathy, suddenly appeared...with a round belly and an angry expression.

"Carl Clover, take responsibility for this baby that you put in me!"

Then...the whole world froze over.

Ragna, Jin and Minerva gave a death glare at Carl, Deathy smirked and Kenya and Yuki cried.

"Oh...shi-"

In a flash, Carl Clover was reduced to dust.

* * *

"Holy Green Beans!"

Then Carl woke up from his nap. He looked around, and sighed. It was all just a dream…

"Mmm...good morning, Carl-kun~"

He turned to see Amane...in his bed...with boobs.

Wait, what?


	29. Lucky and Unlucky

It was a dull day at Blazblue Inc.

Lambda got a new George!

Her name was George VII, and she was a hamster.

George VII did everything that a hamster could do.

She licked Lambda's cheeks.

She played with Cora when the baby would be bored.

She bounced on Es's boobs.

She even watched Cora while the two women got it on.

George VII was the best hamster ever.

But every hamster...meets its match.

* * *

One day, George VII was just chilling in the office, when all of a sudden, Rachel Alucard walked in, followed by George XIII.

"I cannot condone that inferior rat being better than my cute frog!" Rachel yelled as she tossed the amphibian over to the mammal. "Now go, George XIII! Destroy that rodent so that I can go back to my wife!"

As George XIII landed next to George VII, something unexpected happened.

By my powers as the author, they magically turned into human versions of themselves.

George VII turned into the ultimate waifu.

George XIII turned into the ultimate husbando.

The two looked at each other…

...stared…

...and then proceeded to suck face and go hentai right then and there.

Rachel was appalled.

Lambda was appalled.

Kokonoe was appalled.

Es was appalled.

Cora didn't know anything.

Rose didn't know anything.

George VII was screaming her head off.

George XIII didn't brush up on his pull-out game.

You're confused.

I just gave you a random chapter to tie you over until the next coherent one.

And everyone lived happily ever after.


	30. FF OP and BB with some DB

It was a cloudy day at Blazblue Inc.

Hakumen was making his rounds of seeing everyone hard at work.

And seeing people just be hard.

"Yosh. Everything seems good here."

And...then he left.

Well, that's the end of him!

* * *

Mai was busy trying to open a jar...of canned pineapples.

"Come on you...stupid...can...gah!"

As you can see, she was struggling.

But just then, a savior came to her rescue.

That savior's name...was the Kaka dumbass, Tao.

"Hey! Whatcha doing?" Tao asked.

Mai looked up at her. "Oh Tao. I was just trying to open this can of pineapples here."

"Well then, let Tao help!"

And with a single swipe, Tao opened the can.

"You did it, Tao!" Mai exclaimed.

At that, some random dude with spiky blonde hair and a big ass sword came in, stood next to them, and smiled.

Then some fanfare played as Mai gave a thumbs up, Tao spanked her delicious buttcheeks and the sword guy spun his sword before putting it on his back.

Then some weird boxes started showing up with some text written on them, all while the same fanfare kept playing in the background.

* * *

 **Victory!**

 **You've received $999,999,999,999,999!**

 **Mai leveled up!**

 **Mai can now use the Gomu Gomu no Mi!**

 **Gomu Gomu no Mi - A Devil Fruit that makes the user's body completely rubber. The user can stretch their limbs and is immune to physical damage and electricity. The downside is that you can't swim in seawater.**

 **Taokaka leveled up!**

 **Taokaka gained over 9,000 Intelligence!**

 **She is now smarter than Kokonoe and Rachel combined!**

"The fuck she is!" Kokonoe yelled in the background.

 **Cloud leveled up!**

 **Cloud learned Omnislash Dat Ass!**

 **Omnislash Dat Ass - A move that only works on female enemies that clearly want the D.**

* * *

"That was weird…" Mai said. "And who are you?!" She pointed at Cloud.

He just shrugged. "Just a guy walking by."

Just then, one Litchi Faye-Ling walked in on them.

"Oh? What's going on here?"

Then the screen transitioned into another area and another theme started playing.

* * *

 **Litchi Faye-Ling wants to battle!**

"Wait...what's going on here?"

"We're fighting, Litchi." Tao said, in a voice that was nothing like her old self. "Please bare with it until this oddity ends."

 **What will Mai do?**

"Um...uh...let's try this!"

 **Mai uses the Gomu Gomu no Mi!**

 **...but nothing happens!**

"What?! But...why?"

"You're supposed to eat it, Mai." Cloud explains.

 **Litchi Faye-Ling walks closer!**

 **The team backs up!**

"Ok...can someone please explain what's going on?"

"Just roll with it, lady." Cloud said.

 **What will Taokaka do?**

"I believe that I will try thi-oof!"

 **Taokaka was stopped by Kokonoe, because she was having none of that shit in her house, bitch!**

"Like hell you are!" Kokonoe yelled as she bashed Tao over the head with her super powered bat.

 **Taokaka was taken out!**

 **What will Cloud do?**

"Looks like I have no choice…"

 **Cloud strips his clothes off and prepares his sword for battle!**

Litchi gasped. "Oh my…"

 **Litchi Faye-Ling is getting excited at Cloud's stance! She bends over in preparation!**

"Wait, what?! What's going on?! My body is not working right!"

 **What will Mai do?**

"Ok, _now_ I got it!"

 **Mai eats the Gomu Gomu no Mi!**

 **She is now a rubber person!**

"Ohhhh...stretchy."

 **Mai now has new attacks!**

"Ok then...let's try this!"

 **Mai uses Gomu Gomu no Pistol!**

 **She hurts herself due to inexperience!**

"Ow!"

 **Mai is knocked the fuck out!**

"...meat…" Mai said before she fainted.

 **Litchi Faye-Ling cannot move! She is too wet!**

"Someone, help me!"

 **Litchi Faye-Ling prepares herself for the time of her life!**

"No I do not! Stop this right now!"

"Too late…"

 **Cloud uses Omnislash Dat Ass on Litchi Faye-Ling!**

"NOOOOOOO!"

 **Critical hit!**

 **9999 damage!**

"Oh...Cloud~"

 **Litchi Faye-Ling explodes all over Cloud!**

"...that was amazing." Cloud said.

 **Victory!**

 **Received Kagura Mutsuki's envy!**

 **Kagura Mutsuki's envy - The man is jelly at how you handled a woman. He wishes he could be like that.**

"Cloud~"

 **Litchi Faye-Ling wants to be Cloud's Bitch. Do you accept?**

 **\- Yes**

 **\- No**

"Not Interested…"

 **Litchi Faye-Ling does not become Cloud's Bitch.**

"Oh...boo-hoo…" Litchi cried.

 **Cloud leveled up!**

 **Cloud can now post his results on social media!**

 **Do you wish to post your Omnislash Dat Ass on Litchi Faye-Ling on social media?**

 **\- Yes**

 **\- No**

"Sure…"

 **Cloud posted his results of his last battle on social media!**

* * *

Meanwhile, in a bar somewhere...

Tifa Lockhart cried at Cloud's latest post on social media.

"Sniff...that should've been me…"


	31. Kagura tries and fails - Part 3

It was a day at Blazblue Inc.

AGEEN!

Bullet was having her lunch break with Kagura Mutsuki.

Why?

Because she lost her wallet and was hungry, and the man offered her a free meal, in exchange for her 'company'.

Sure...we'll go with that.

"It's such a lovely evening, wouldn't you agree, my love?" Kagura said in an attempt to put the moves on our busty merc.

"It's the afternoon, idiot. But yeah, it's nice outside." Bullet replied.

In this corner however, weighing in an exact 105.8 lbs, who would like to be announced as the professional stalker of Bullet, 'No-Cup' Noel Vermillion!

Cheers and boos were heard everywhere, including some random dude who yelled "Oh baby, I wanna screw that bitch so bad!"

He was never seen again.

Noel, however, was livid.

She was preparing a nice little stalking session with her one and only Bullet, but here she was, eating with some asshat named Kagura Mutsuki!

This...cannot go on!

How dare it?!

And thus, Noel hatched a plan to get rid of Kagura Mutsuki…

* * *

The next day, Noel was humming happily to herself while she looked at the various pictures of Bullet in the shower at various angles.

"Oh, my Buwwet~ If only you knew of my feelings for you~"

Unknownst to her, one Bullet just so happened to overhear Noel, and reacted properly.

* * *

Meanwhile with Kagura Mutsuki…

"Ugh...where am I…"

He stood up, only to find that he was held down in shackles.

"Hey, what the...what happened to me?!"

Around him was various trees and plants, and one lone house.

And in that house was Amane Nishiki.

"Oh yay! A new boy to have fun with!"

Kagura was dragged in that house, and was never seen again...

...until the next day.

* * *

As for Noel and Bullet…

"Oh god, help me!"

Noel screamed, trying to escape, but was pulled back into the storage closet by Bullet.

"Nope! You're mine now, bitch~"

Out of this encounter, one little baby named Princess was born.


	32. Typical Blazblue Inc Day

It was a crappy day at Blazblue Inc.

Hakumen was in his office, checking papers.

"Let's see...hmm…"

Then all of a sudden, the following happened:

Ragna and Makoto barged in, cleared his table and totally did it right in front of him.

Jin and Tsubaki barged in, cleared Ragna and Makoto off his table and totally did it right in front of him.

Jubei was running away and hid under the table, until Nine blasted through the walls and dragged him away.

Rachel and Kokonoe set up a pole to do pole-dancing.

Es and Lambda jumped on his desk and twerked in his face.

Bullet chased Noel with a whip while the latter was dressed in nothing but strings.

Mai and Taokaka ate his plants.

Kagura danced in with a whole train of people.

Relius crawled in on his hands and knees with Ignis sitting on him.

Hibiki, Azrael and Nu brokedanced.

Naoto was dragging himself along...with Celica's face on his crotch.

Valkenhayn was wolfing out while Izanami chased him.

Bang was banging.

Litchi wanted another Onmislash Dat Ass.

Tager couldn't fit.

Terumi and Hazama were flip flapping.

Carl was riding on Ada and Mirvana.

Arakune was buzzing and huzzing.

Susanoo was holding Trinity and Platinum.

Amane was stripping.

* * *

Afterwards, Hakumen was finished...then proceeded to jump out the window.


	33. Carl Clover's Unusual Harem Fights

It was a live day at Blazblue Inc.

Minerva had a little problem.

...actually, make that two problems.

Said problems were currently four years old and looking up at her with very mad faces.

Those problems were named Kenya Nanaya and Yukianese 'Yuki' Kisaragi.

And the reason that she had those problems was because of one Carl Clover, who they all happen to like.

"..." she told them off.

Yuki hid behind her cousin, nearly in tears from the big scary robo lady.

"But Carl is cool! You're...not cool." Kenya said.

"!" Minerva leaned over the two toddlers. "..."

"But my mommy has big boobs, and so does my grandma. You don't have boobs."

"!" Minerva was appalled. "..."

Yuki peeked out from behind Kenya. "Kenya...can we just leave?"

"No! Because I like Carl, and so do you!" She turned back to Minerva. "So now what, huh?!"

Minerva's response was to point a finger at them.

Said finger was promptly broken off...along with the rest of her arm.

That was thanks to Nine, who just walked in.

Then she blasted Minerva into the sky.

* * *

Meanwhile, in another area.

"Cloud, what was the meaning of that post?!" Tifa cried.

"...just like it was...she wanted the D." Cloud explained. "So I gave her the D."

Before Tifa could say anything else, Minerva landed on top of Cloud.

"See? Even this chick wants the D. Bitches love my D." Cloud stated.

Tifa's response was to call Lightning and see if she was available for some hot yuri sex that night.


	34. You have to be in speedos for this

It was a plump day at Blazblue Inc.

Valkenhayn was chatting with Jubei over old man things.

"So, I got this ice pack for my back, and it made my buttcheeks hurt…"

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a man with blue hair dressed in a hawaiian shirt and speedos broke in the office and started dancing.

"Hey, follow my lead!" he said while snapping his fingers.

Valkenhayn and Jubei stared at this man.

"The hell…"

Then the man thrusted his hips to the right while tapping his foot to his own music, which suddenly started playing.

"Shake your hip to the right!"

Then he put his right hand on his waist while sticking out his left hand.

"Right hand on your waist! Stick out your left hand!"

Then he reversed, with his hips to the left, left hand on his waist and his right hand sticking out.

"Slide and left!"

Then...he started switching sides on beat.

"Right! Left! Right! Left! Right! Left! Rght! Left!"

Then...both Valkenhayn and Jubei suddenly joined in and did what the man did, watched by Hype Dog.

"Repeat! Aw! One! Two! One! Two!"

Hype Dog got a recorder and recorded the entire thing.

"Right! Left! Right! Left! Right! Left! Rght! Left! One! Two! One! Two! One! Two! One! Two!"

Then the entire office ended up joining in.

"Right! Left! Right! Left! Right! Left! Rght! Left! Aw! One! Two! One! Two!"

Then they all started rolling their arms.

"Ha! Mmmmmm…"

Then they finished by putting their arms together backwards above their heads.

"SUPER!"

The entire office exploded.


	35. I need a break

It was a random day at Blazblue Inc.

I was out of ideas, when all of a sudden, Ragna the Bloodedge bursted into my room.

"Don't give up, Xane!" he yelled as he slapped me. Ye-ouch!

"I know you can do it once again! HERE!"

He hands me a piece of paper with ideas, including one that said "Take a break."

Before I could say anything, he jumped into the toilet and exploded.

And so...I decided to take a break.

Right after I write this one thing...

* * *

After Ragna appeared some time later, he was in THE FUTURE!

"Where the hell am I?"

"DADDY!"

He turned to see his daughter Kenya...now 20 years older.

And carrying a bundle...that held a baby.

That had blonde hair.

"Meet my baby, daddy!"

Ragna bluescreeened.


	36. For a certain guy that everyone hates

It was a trollish day at Blazblue Inc.

Makoto Nanaya was looking up on the deep parts of the web, a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad place for someone of her fame, when she came across a certain fanfic.

Said fanfic was called Blazblue Inc, and it decided to detail all of the antics that went on inside the office.

"What the hell is this?" She asked as she read through it all.

After some time, she decided to read the reviews, which ranged from confusion to amazement.

Then...she read a certain review.

"Who the...Ragna!"

Said Ragna came at her call. "Yo. What's up?"

Makoto pointed at the computer screen. "Looks like some guy _really_ hates you. Check him out."

And Ragna did.

Then...he shrugged. "So he hates my guts. What else is new?"

"Yeah, but he wants you gone. Like...deleted from life or something." Makoto stated.

Ragna just sighed, put on his reading glasses and took out a list.

"Makoto, need I remind you that in the games: Jin wants to kill me, Noel calls me stupid, Rachel loves screwing with me, Tao wants to hunt me down, even if she doesn't know it, Litchi doesn't give a shit about me, Arakune wants to eat me, Carl wants to kill me, Tager doesn't give a shit about me, Bang wants me dead, Hakumen wants me dead, Nu wants to fuck/kill me, Tsubaki wants me gone, Hazama loves to troll me, you hated me at some point, Valkenhayn wants me far away from Rachel, Platinum calls me a lolicon, Relius doesn't give a shit about me, Amane doesn't give a shit about me, Bullet wants me dead, Azrael wants to fight me to the death, Kagura is better than me in all sorts of ways, Terumi loves trolling me, Mu is the same as Noel, Izayoi is the same as Tsubaki, Kokonoe couldn't care less about me, Hibiki doesn't care about anything, including me, Naoto and I want to kill each other, Nine wants me far away from Celica, Izanami is the same as Nu, Es, I'm not too sure about, same with Mai and Susanoo also wants me dead. The only three people who probably don't have ANY sort of antagonistic feelings towards me are Jubei, Lambda and Celica, but Jubei is pannned for being lazy, Lambda is more or less emotionless and Celica somewhat gets as much hate as I do. Sure, a lot of that has changed, but it doesn't change the fact that nearly everyone hated me at some point, and I'm sure that some of them still do. Tsubaki's one, for starters."

Makoto could only nod. "I guess…"

"Also, I have so many haters everywhere that they just go into a pile, so you might as well toss that guy into there as well. Maybe the next person will probably want me dead, who knows?"

"True…" Makoto agreed.

Ragna then smirked. "But enough about something that was made obvious as fuck since 2008. Why don't you bend over and let me wreck that fine ass of yours?"

Makoto did as she was told. "Don't stop at bruising it. Destroy it~"

* * *

And thus, the wrecking of one Makoto Nanaya's ass was underway.

From said wrecking...a baby boy was born.


	37. Now we have some SK, boys!

It was a returning day at Blazblue Inc.

After the vicious yet lovely pounding of Makoto Nanaya's ass that produced him a nice young baby boy, Ragna The Bloodedge was on his way to the local bar to celebrate and gloat to everyone about how much he could totally do the squirrel waifu at any moment.

He even thought of bringing her there to demonstrate, but she was with Tsubaki and the gang that evening, probably to gloat on how much she loved to get wrecked from Ragna's Black Beast.

It was then that he tripped over an egg that Terumi laid from his armpit and fell into a portal that Kokonoe had farted up, disappearing somewhere.

And yes...you read that right.

Ragna tripped over an egg.

What a guy, amirite?

But wait...hold on. KOKONOE!

"What? I'm busy here."

What the hell's up with that portal? Where did it come from?

"From my ass, dipshit. Can't you read what you wrote?"

I know what I wrote! I _was_ going to write about how Ragna fell into the next dimension and totally save the world and shit, but this is more _importante._

"So...you're more interested in my ass portal than Ragna doing something cool for once?"

OF COURSE! So...how does this work?

Kokonoe smirked. "Weeeeeellllll…"

* * *

And thus, Kokonoe and I used the portal to travel to all sorts of places and dimensions. Twas the shite, son!

I even got to go join the cast of Ninja Boobs and Butts-I mean Tits and Asses Jutsu-I mean Senran Kagura-I mean...yeah, Ninja Boobs and Butts.

Meanwhile, Kokonoe used it to spy on Rachel Alucard as she was taking a nice hot shower, doing things that involved her hands in her pants doing the Happy Finger Dance.

"Oh yeah...that's the good shit…"


	38. CHANGE! (To M)

It was a changing day at Blazblue Inc.

Jubei was in the office halls, putting up the latest news on the bulletin board.

At the same time, Terumi just so happen to walk by and witnessed said news.

"Hold the fuck on...what the hell is this, cat?" the egotistical douche asked.

Ignoring said insult, Jubei answered. "Well, this fanfic had gotten a few complaints saying that we're being too edgy for a T rating, so we've officially been moved up to M to play it safe."

At that, Terumi perked up. "Ohhhhh, I see. So...I can say 'fuck' all that I want and wave my gigantically large dick around and bitch slap these sluts, hoping that they suck my cock and let me stick it up their asses?!"

Before Jubei could answer, the man had already ripped off his pants and underwear and was already running around, showing his weener to everyone.

Only Gii was interested.

* * *

Later that day, Jubei was about to head to the bathroom when he heard crying. Rushing towards the source, he instead found one dead Terumi, face down in a pool of his own blood. He looked up to see Makoto consoling a bawling Kenya, rubbing her back and glaring at the dead Terumi.

"There, there. He won't try to hurt you anymore…" Makoto said as Kenya kept crying, holding her mother close.

Then Ragna and Nine appeared from behind him. The former's hand was covered with blood and the latter was preparing a fire.

"Sooo...what happened here?" Jubei asked.

"WHO THE FU-" Nine started, but remembered that Kenya was there, so she bit her tongue to hold back her bad words. "Ahem...so...Ragna told me that Terumi was running around with his... _thing_...out, and he ended up running into Kenya, nearly hitting her with it." Nine seethed, clearly trying to hold back her ever growing anger. "I wanted to personally and horrendously rip it off of him with my bare hands, but Ragna beat me to it."

At that. Ragna showed his bloody hand. "Oh yeah. Probably the best thing I've done this whole fic, aside from...doing certain things with Makoto." He stated. Makoto blushed, and everything flew over the toddler's head.

"Anyway," Nine resumed. "Since he's dead, I'm here to burn the body and make sure that he _never_ comes back to do that again."

Jubei just nodded and patted Kenya's head, trying to calm her down. "Is that so? Shame I wasn't there to add on to the torture."

Kenya looked up at Jubei and gave a small wave, making the old cat smile.

"But still, I have to wonder: why did he do that in the first place?" Makoto asked.

At that, Jubei flashbacked to the exact moment that Terumi pulled off his pants.

"...beats me...but hey, have you guys looked at the latest news on the bulletin board yet?"


	39. Eisai Haramasukoi!

It was an Epic day at Blazblue Inc. Let's Pop some things, Team!

Tsubaki Yayoi was always at her front desk, doing nothing except fantasizing about how she wants Jin to pound her pussy into some future event or something.

I'm not time-traveling to find out, but boy, does she want it baaaaaaaaad…

"I'm fucking horny, and Jin isn't here to pound me." Said Tsubaki as she poked and pricked her pretty pink pussy.

Because she was busy doing herself, she didn't notice the two little girls that walked by her.

"Well, that was easy." said one of them, who was short, looked 14, had blonde hair in twin tails and looked like she would be easy to piss off. Also she sounded like Hazama or Terumi...if they spoke Japanese.

We'll call this chick Popuko.

"I bet she doesn't get any action." said the other one, who was tall, also looked 14, had long blue hair with a red bow on top and looked pretty calm. Also she sounded like Ragna...if he spoke Japanese.

I think we'll call her Pipimi.

So anyway, Popuko and Pipimi decided to waltz into Blazblue Inc.

What happened was something so horrific, that I can describe it down to the last detail.

I mean...jeez, it was horrific. Like so bad, this fic would get banned because it was so fucked up.

But I won't.

Why, you people ask?

Why indeed…

* * *

So what happened is that Popuko and Pipimi blew up Blazblue Inc and made out with each other like crazy because Yuri.

There. Did I waste your time with a pointless chapter?

Yes? No? Good.


	40. WWE Valentine (Best PPV Evah!)

No Mercy was going to be had at Blazblue Inc today, just like how I'm going to show No Mercy to the M rating of this fic, especially in this chapter, so a good warning to those who wander here.

Oh, and I might start taking suggestions from you guys. Just PM me for ideas of what you want me to write.

* * *

Today was Valentine's Day. The day where couples and lovers alike get together and fuck like monkey rabbits.

Take for example, Es and Lambda.

While Cora was taking her nap, her parents were doing the Bedroom Dance, only to pause to check if their daughter had woken up.

She hadn't. So they did each other until the walls collapsed.

Then they all had cake together. What a lovely family.

Another example would be Rachel and Kokonoe.

They decided to take a vacation with Rose. Twas a grand one.

Except for that guy who poked Rachel's ass.

He got sent to the Destroyal, since that's what Killing Bites was.

But one of the best ones was Noel and Bullet.

Sure, they had a rough start, but little did anyone know that Noel…

...did _not_ like BDSM.

And yet she was dressed in nothing but very tight plastic wrap with a belly full of anal beads that she ate being stuffed in the ass by Bullet's big fat hot cock while screaming in pleasure.

And yes, you _did_ read that right.

Noel hates BDSM.

The more you know, huh?

* * *

Carl Clover was walking with his girlfriend, Minerva, to go have dinner with her.

Then Ragna The Bloodedge did an RKO out of nowhere to the poor boy, followed by a Coup de Grace by Nine on his chest from the top of the building.

Why? Because Kenya wanted to give him some chocolate and a card for Valentine's Day.

Then Jin Kisaragi came in with a Frog Splash with a Moonsault from Death (Carl's best bro for lyfe, yo), crushing the boy's body.

Why? Because Yuki and Deathy (Death's kid that Carl went and knocked up, son) wanted to give him some chocolate and a card for Valentine's Day.

Then Ragna and Jin got him into a double superplex from the top of the building, which was immediately followed by Death and Nine giving him a 3D through a statue.

Then finally they all got Carl into a powerbomb and slammed him through the ground into the Earth's core.

He escaped with a scratched toenail.

* * *

So how was your Valentine's Day?


	41. Mass Clucking Commences

Welcome to Blazblue Inc. Here's what you ordered.

* * *

Rachel had taken her responsibilities as a new mother very well, and she regretted nothing...except not doing it sooner.

"There, there, little one. Mommy has your food here." She spoke as she let little Rose suck on her itty bitty titty. The young baby happily drank her mother's Justice Milk with joy.

"Oh ho. Looks like someone's very hungry, isn't she?" Rachel cooed as she patted her daughter's head with a warm smile.

She looked ahead and sighed. "Now...if only your Mama could be as civilized as you were…"

In front of her was Kokonoe, currently locked in battle with Bullet via Galactic Arm Wrestling, yelling out noises that could only be described as a mating call.

Said mating call made Rachel's undergarments soaked.

Of course, she was the only one who was sitting on the sidelines and breastfeeding her daughter while she had soaked panties.

Noel, on the other hand, was also sitting on the sidelines and breastfeeding her daughter, Princess, but she had no panties.

Bullet ate them while she was asleep. She would know, of course. She was wearing them when she went to bed.

"I know, Princess. Your Mama needs to be more like you, right?" Noel said as she poked her baby's nose.

In front of her, Bullet was wiggling her Ass of the Gods, forcing Noel to use a towel yet again to clean up her mess. It was the 10th towel today.

"I must agree. Our wives are very lovely women, especially in the bedroom, but you'd think that they could be more civilized outside." Rachel said.

Noel nodded in agreement. "Oh, absolutely. I mean…" She leaned close to Rachel. "The only reason I'm sitting right now is because Bullet wrecked my hips the other night. Now I can't walk straight." She whispered.

Rachel smirked. "I've lost all feeling between my legs since Kokonoe tried that new strap-on she built for us."

And thus, the two women engaged in sharing all the secrets of how good Bullet and Kokonoe were between the sheets.

* * *

As for the battle with Kokonoe and Bullet, it stopped when a small strange creature walked up to them and asked a very simple question.

"...do u kno de wey?"

They both spat on the fake queen, her bruddas and her non-believers since they showed them de wey.


	42. Can't Escape From Crossing Fate

Is It Wrong To Try To Read Blazblue Inc For A Stupid Laugh?

You. Tell. Me.

* * *

Makoto Nanaya had to apologize to Ragna.

No, it wasn't because she nearly bit his dick off when she was blowing him last night. She couldn't help that he barely fit into her mouth as it was. She loved the challenge to try and fit it all in her mouth. Her reward was a mouthful of his sweet man juice.

No, it wasn't because she screamed her head off while they were having sex, waking up Kenya. That was mostly his fault, half due to him pounding the ever loving fuck out of her and the other half because, well...he had a huge cock.

That was an awkward explanation to their little girl about why Mommy was yelling at Daddy to 'not stop destroying her pussy until it turned purple.'

And no, it wasn't because she fucked him in the ass while he was asleep. He had that on his bucket list, much to her surprise, shock and delight.

No...it was worse. Much, much worse…

...and it all had to do with her wonderful baby boy, Xavier.

It all happened one day during her break. She went to the park to enjoy the fresh air and decided to bring Xavier with her. Ragna decided to hang with Kenya that day, calling it Daddy-N-Daughter time.

As she was munching on her food, she overheard other women making gossip. She didn't mind much, since she also love to gossip, especially about Ragna being her own God of Sex.

But one piece of information had made her way to her ears…

"Aww, what a cute baby boy." One of the women said, pointing to her and Xavier. "He looks so adorable!"

Makoto had to smug to herself. You're damn right Xavier was fucking adorable. After all, he has a sexy-as-fuck mom and a sexy-as-fuck dad as parents.

Then...it hit her.

Like that baseball that clocked her in the head just now. She picked it up and threw it back hard, hitting Ruby Rose through the face.

Back to her thoughts, she realized that her son was going to grow up and become handsome like his father.

Which meant that he would get the attention of girls.

Girls that would love to make him theirs.

And even, dare I say it, do some whoopie and maybe even without protection…

...which meant possible pregnancy and locking him into a relationship!

AND HAVE HER PAY CHILD SUPPORT FOR HER GRANDBABY!

Her face an ungodly pale color, she looked down at her son, who looked up at his mommy…

...and gave the biggest smile she had ever seen.

"Ok, that tears it! NO ONE IS TAKING MY BABY BOY AWAY FROM ME!"

So she scooped him up and ran, doing the following along the way:

She slapped Yu Narukami, shoved a stick up Yosuke Hanamura's ass, forced Chie Satonaka and Yukiko Amagi to make sweet tender love to each other, kicked Kanji Tatsumi in the balls, forced Rise Kujikawa to fuck Naoto Shirogane in the ass, ate Teddie, headbutted Hyde Kido, tossed Linne into The Void, dunked Waldstein, flipped Carmine Prime on his boney behind, tripped Orie Ballardiae and stole Harada from her name, broke Gordeau, swung Merkava onto Uranus (Yes, yours), kidnapped Unit 10076 and named her Vatista, blew up Seth, stripped Yuzuriha Sougetsu and shot Hilda before making it home.

Oh, and she nuked Weiss Schnee, Blake Belladonna and Yang Xiao Long after she got some cake. Everybody loves cake.

* * *

At home, she ran up to Xavier's room and put him down for a nap.

"Nobody's gonna take my baby boy away. They'll have to kill me before that happens." She said as she kissed his head before leaving the room.

On the way out, she met Ragna, who stood there with a smirk on his face.

She sighed. "Ok, I apologize. I see why you get so worked up over Kenya having any boys around." She looked back at their son. "God, he's not even a year old, and I don't want any girls around him."

"Well, you could use my line: You have to beat me to date my kid. Works all the time for me." Ragna said.

"Oh?" Makoto smirked. "What about me?"

"We're about 50/50 on that, Makoto. I also don't mean in the bedroom."

Makoto grinned. "I know, buddy. Just don't forget our deal."

Ragna grinned back. "You mean whoever loses in the bedroom has to do oral for an hour to the winner? Don't worry, I'm prepared. Kenya's at Jin's right now."

"And Xavier's down for a nap. So…" Makoto ripped off her pants and panties, spreading her legs. "...bon appetit."

With that, Ragna got on his knees and went to lunch.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the wreckage…

"Fuck this, I quit." Chun-Li stated as she threw her badge away and took out her cell phone, dialing a number.

"Yo Cammy, wanna go get smashed today? I'll bring the drinks!"


	43. Yes, you can find stuff like that

Another day at Blazblue Inc. It sucked.

* * *

Lambda and Es decided to download a game called VRChat.

"This is quite nice." Lambda said as she walked around the various Hubs. Somehow, she found an avatar of Es to wear, and she never changed to another one.

After all, Avatar Es had nekked teets.

But of course, those were garbage compared to her wife's real ones.

"Yes. I am also enjoying this." Es replied, wearing a nekked avatar of her wife. The ass wasn't as nice and smooth as Lambda's, though.

As the two walked around, they then heard some of the other players speaking out.

"Doctor! You have come to me!"

Curious, they walked to the source to see a handful of players surrounding another player.

Said player was wearing an avatar that had blue hair, was tall, had a red bow and looked like a schoolgirl.

But to others, she was pretty much Pipimi.

But the name of the player wearing said avatar was XaneKudo. Now that sounds familiar…

"Doctor. I have gathered more subordinates!" The Pipimi player said. "Our goal to take over VRChat is coming closer and closer."

Another player, wearing some cat avatar, just nodded. He must've been the Doctor.

Then, the Pipimi player saw Es and Lambda and walked to them.

"Es! Lambda! It has been eons since we have last conversed!" He said with a phony baloney British accent. "I am starting an army to take over this place that they call VRChat. You two shall join me in this conquest!"

* * *

And thus, Lord Pipimi, Doctor, Es, Lambda and the rest of the crew took over VRChat.

Twas amazeballs and some junk.

Now you reading this…

... **Lord Pipimi commands you to join, or I will summon my Ugandan Army to spit on you**!

* * *

A/N: I am serious about those suggestions, guys...


	44. It was only a matter of when

It's been a long time since we've been at Blazblue Inc. Let's dive back into the insanity...or randomness. Whichever you choose.

* * *

Let us take a look into the lives of Jin Kisaragi and Tsubaki Yayoi, shall we?

They really haven't had much focus, so one can only wonder what they do in their spare time.

Maybe they like to venture places. Maybe they like to relax at home and spend some family time with their daughter, Yuki.

Hell, maybe they like to go to the amusement park and partake on the rides-

They're fucking, aren't they?

"Oh god, Jin! You're reaching my womb!"

...yeah. They are.

So, as it turns out, Jin Kisaragi and Tsubaki Yayoi, just like nearly every other couple in this fanfic, love to fuck.

You...should know this by now.

You should also know that Jin, much like his brother, is rather well hung.

Probably one of the very few common things between them.

Anywho, Jin was pounding into Tsubaki like a crazed madman on top of her desk, not giving a shit as to who came and saw the action.

Love juices and saliva from Tsubaki's ahegao face sprayed everywhere, covering the following things:

Her papers.

Her clothes.

His weapon.

His clothes.

Arakune.

Harold and his breakdancing family.

Trinity in a fursuit.

Naoto dragging Celica, who was furiously sucking him dry, complete with a mixture of slurping and vacuum sound effects. Her stomach was very bloated from his Man-Bazooka-Jizz.

That guy who everyone hates for hating Ragna.

Their daughter, Yukianesa.

...

Wait.

"M...Mama? Papa?" Little Yuki stammered, clearly traumatized from waltzing in on her Mama looking like she's gone to heaven because her Papa was doing things to her from behind while having that crazed look on his face again.

Jin stopped having said face hearing his little girl's voice, turned to her, ceased his pounding and promptly blue screened.

Tsubaki, wondering why Jin's schlong quickly made its way out of her womb, turned as well and, much like her husband, promptly red screened.

* * *

It would be years before Little Yukianesa would recover from such an event.

It would also be minutes before Terumi uploaded the whole thing to PornHub.


	45. This chapter is DoA

**Blazblue Inc is here! REJOICE OR THROW UP!**

 **Mai/Tao idea by Mememanofmemento**

* * *

The employees at the local All-You-Can-Eat had never seen something so disgusting...yet so erotic.

Currently, Mai Natsume and Taokaka were at the buffet table...covered in food, naked, and sucking face while using all of the foods and utensils to stuff into each other's holes.

All of them. Yes, that's right.

 _All_ of the food.

 _All_ of the utensils.

 _All. Of. The. Holes_.

In each other's bodies.

Twas the best.

What was even weirder was as to how it all started.

The two walked in, order a vast amount of food, and not only did they devour it all within a split second, but then...all of sudden...without any warning...in an instant…

They drank water.

Then proceeded to do the actions as explained above.

* * *

"This is quite the showing, isn't it, my musume?" Bang Shishigami commented while eating his noodles.

"Hai, Otou-sama." Konoha agreed. "It reminds me of the times that you would use the cucumbers on Okaa-sama. She would often comment that she didn't like them inside her butt."

Bang just nodded. "Well we would use the pickles, but you and Kamui-dono use them all the time. Besides, your mother does like them. She just doesn't like more than one, to be more accurate."

"Well, I have been learning." Ayane commented. "Hayate told me to train myself in case I would need to do so...for some reason. Besides, your nail is too huge for me to take in!"

"My...actual nail or my dick?"

"Both!"

* * *

 **Quick and short chaps are quick and short.**


	46. Male and Female Bonding Time

**Moar Blazblue Inc for you all!**

* * *

"So, did you guys catch the game last week?" Ragna The Bloodedge asked.

"Yep. Glad that the Warriors are looking up this season." Jubei responded. "Last season wasn't so hot for them."

"That was because their star player was sidelined with a torn rotator cuff." Jin Kisaragi said. "The season before that, they were flagged with illegal drug possession."

"Oh yeah, I remember that." Ragna said. "Turns out it was someone spreading false shit about them."

"Do they know who said that stuff?" Bang Shishigami asked.

"One of the coaches' ex-wife for not paying child support, or something like that." Kagura Mutsuki said.

"That...sounds petty." Naoto Kurogane commented. "I mean seriously. Jeopardizing the entire season for that?!"

"Hey man, you can never tell from women these days. They'll do anything to get what they want." Kagura replied.

"Some guys, too." Azrael said. "Dudes like me...we'd kill for stuff."

"Yeah, we know." Both Ragna and Kagura said.

"Well, good thing that we have good women, huh?" Hazama said.

"...I still can't believe that you managed to make an egg come to life." Jin said.

"I know, right?" Terumi said with a grin.

"How the fuck did you come back, anyway?" Ragna asked.

"Fuck continuity, that's how." Terumi answered.

"What a boring answer." Relius Clover said.

"You're boring!" Terumi countered.

"Nice comeback there." Jubei snarked.

"Oh screw you, cat!" Terumi yelled.

"Well…" George XIII started. "I think that's unnecessary at the moment."

"How come?" Cloud Strife asked.

At that moemnt, Jubei moaned as he pulled out of Nine The Phantom, his seed dripping out of her. "Well, that's how. You kids have way too much stamina."

"Nah, not really." Ragna said as he blew his load in Makoto Nanaya for the 5th time. "Just gotta build it up." He said as he went back to pounding her.

"Brother is right. I'm on my seventh one." Jin said, but then he paused for a moment...before resuming pounding Tsubaki Yayoi. "...make that eighth."

"8th? Psh...I'm on 12 right now." Azrael said as he slapped Nu-13's ass, causing the girl to cum.

"As a man of love and justice, I like to savor my time. Makes the moment all the more sweeter. Like right now!" Bang yelled as he blew his load into Akane.

"So...does that make 2 or 3?" Naoto asked as like the others, his load was blown into one Celica A. Mercury before continuing.

"Three, I believe." Relius answered before rinse-and-repeat into Ignis.

"Well, me and Haz here are tied for 9." Terumi said before spilling himself into Tamago-chan.

"Well...no longer true." Hazama said...before he spilled himself into Torakaka. "...nevermind!"

"Psh...I haven't cum once!" Kagura answered. "I'm a surviv-Oh there it goes." He lamley said as his wing-wacker shot his soldiers into Litchi Faye-Ling.

"Heh." Cloud laughed as he also spilled his seed into Litchi Faye-Ling…'s mouth.

How did they get together, you people asked…

"Well, my good gentlemen...I believe that I am on my 21st go." George XIII said as he, too, let George VII have his GLORIOUS sperm.

"Damn man. 21st?!" Ragna said. "You have to tell us your secret!"

George XIII just smiled. "Maybe next time we have this bonding time, my good fellows. Maybe next time…"

* * *

"So THAT'S how you cook roast pork?" Noel Vermillion asked.

"Affirmative." Lambda-11 said. "It is quite simple once you know the steps."

"And even with the steps…" Rachel Alucard sighed. "You still managed to muck it up."

"I wanted to put my own spin to it!" Noel whined.

"By putting soy sauce, vinegar and ranch sauce into the batter?" Tifa Lockhart asked.

"That's asking for a disaster to happen." Shantae said.

"Oh can it, you two. You're not even part of the Blazblue universe!"

At that, Kokonoe looked up from between Rachel's legs. "You really think that matters?"

"Mmm-mm" Bullet shook her head from between Noel's legs, her mouth full of...well, Noel.

"Besides, it's nice here." Risky Boots said from between Shantae's legs. "Good people and good atmosphere."

"We thank you." Es replied from between Lambda's legs.

"...not that I mind, but why are we eating our ladies out around each other?" Lightning aka Claire Farron asked from between Tifa's legs.

Kokonoe shrugged. "Something about bonding time?"

Lightning just shrugged as she resumed her activity, with everyone else following afterward.

* * *

Tao and Mai Natsume were in the corner, consuming each other's boobs, butts, pussies and everything else.

Then they had sex.

* * *

 **That ending sucked, huh?**


End file.
